Made A Girl Cry
by effybelle
Summary: Toji's failing most of his classes, so Hikari offers to tutor him. As the pair grow closer and feelings blossom, they learn more about life and each other than they perhaps bargained for when agreeing to work together. Toji x Hikari, implied AsuShin, set before Toji becomes a pilot.
1. Ichi

[ **A/N** ] Because there just isn't enough Toji x Hikari multi-chaptered fics.

[ Cover Art by 泉くれは on Pixiv ]

[ **Edit** ] Following some editorial advice and suggestions on my other fic, I've decided to edit a few orthographic and punctuation nuances here as well to aid with the flow and overall comprehension of this story. As I mentioned on the other one, please feel free to offer any further advice on either this story or my AsuShin one as it all helps me grow and improve. Thanks!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER ONE**

 _I can't stop the butterflies swarming around when his palm meets my cheek, his rough and tanned skin so warm against it I feel like my cheeks might melt. His face inches closer to mine. I tentatively look up to return his gaze through my eyelashes, and his lidded eyes close fully as his tongue wets his lips and…_

 _No more than millimetres apart, Suzuhara speaks into the narrow distance separating our lips, whispering my name. Shivers roll down my spine in a set of pleasant chills, and my heart dances so fast in my chest that I'm not sure how my ribcage is holding it back. I can feel his breath, warm against my lips, and though it tickles, I close my eyes and wait for the collision of his lips against mine._

Ding, dong, ding, dong…

Hikari almost missed the monotonous chime of the school bell, indicating the school day had ended. It was also Friday, meaning Hikari didn't bother to fulfil her duties as the class representative in attempting to control the bustle of students. They barely listened throughout the week, let alone Friday; over half the class (though this was perhaps due to the small population to begin with) had run out the door hollering and cheering, already rounding up their friends to fill them in on any gossip.

The only students still left behind were those who took their time in packing their stuff away, though they were just blurry figures in Hikari's peripheral vision. Hikari hadn't noticed she was gazing right in the direction of Toji Suzuhara, who stayed sat back in his seat, his feet kicked up on the table and his hands lazily behind his head as he swung back on his chair, until her best friend's chest broke into her eye line.

With her hands haughtily on her hips, Asuka loudly joked, "Hello? Earth to Hikari! Is anyone there?"

Hikari couldn't help the pink flushing across her cheeks, the warmth buzzing around her body – but it was in no way the pleasant buzz her daydream had given her. This was just plain embarrassment. Before Asuka could figure out where Hikari's eyes were, Hikari quickly looked to the side, mumbling, "Asuka…"

But her best friend wasn't an Eva pilot for nothing – she was a genius, a college graduate at just thirteen. There was no use trying to hide anything from her. Asuka took two fingers shaped like scissors and used them to trace Hikari's line of vision, ultimately landing right in Toji's seat. Toji didn't seem to be paying any attention, though; the way his head was slightly down suggested he had probably fallen asleep.

Asuka looked back to Hikari, whose face was now beaming a bright red.

"Honestly!" Asuka bellowed, not caring to keep her voice down, "I don't get what you see in that one."

"Asuka! Not so loud!" Hikari pleaded, her usually soft voice having to battle to overpower Asuka's. Under her breath, Hikari muttered, "What do you see in Ikari?"

Asuka must have either not heard or was purposely ignoring Hikari's own dig at herself, because her face remained its perfect porcelain and her hands were still on her hips rather than anywhere on Hikari. "Look at you, drooling over him like a lovesick puppy. You spent all last lesson gazing at him. Aren't you the Class Rep?"

Hikari knew her best friend was only joking, but sometimes it seemed like she could get easily lost in translation.

"Why don't you just ask him out already?" Asuka suggested, her voice finally quieter as her tone changed to one capable of genuine advice.

"I-I can't do that! I can't just go up there and…"

"Why not?" Asuka cut her off, before sighing, "Let's talk about it on the way home. I need to get out of here."

Hikari swallowed hard, replying, "I can't."

"What?"

"I just need to do some things first," Hikari innocently explained, referring to all the final outstanding end-of-week duties she still had to do. Plus, she needed to wake Suzuhara up, and remind him of his own duties…

"Oh. Well, have fun!" Asuka nodded her head in Toji's direction. The smugness that crossed Asuka's features was one Hikari had seen before, and the tone in her voice was mischievous, again nothing unfamiliar. Before Hikari could respond, Asuka had bounced out of the classroom, past Shinji and Kensuke, Toji's two best friends. Hikari noticed the way Shinji's eyes followed Asuka as she left, wondering if Toji ever secretly looked at Hikari like that. It was a look she'd only seen in romantic movies, a look only described in all her teen magazines and young adult romance novels, one that she only saw on Toji in her daydreams… Hikari shook her head lightly, trying to remove the thoughts from her head. It was kind of funny, how Asuka would constantly advise Hikari just waltzed in and asked Suzuhara out, and she would even give advice on how to be more confident in her approach – yet, Asuka could never take her own advice, and just talk to Shinji about how she felt.

As quiet lulled through the classroom as only the four of them were left, Hikari could hear the faint laughter coming from Kensuke, who held his camera tight as he recorded his friend asleep. Shinji had an uneasy smile on his face, but a smile nonetheless; it was nice seeing him come out of his shell, even if it was being prodded by Aida, one third of what Hikari and Asuka liked to call the Three Stooges.

Hikari took a deep breath and donned her best Class Rep persona, forcefully ensuring no trace of pink was left on her freckled cheeks. Picking up a ruler, Hikari glided over to Suzuhara, her heart thumping in her chest the closer she got. She could feel three stares boring into her back – Aida's, Ikari's, and the lens of Aida's camera. Still, she had to remind herself she was now in Class Rep mode. Not only did she need to scold Suzuhara for sleeping in class (no matter how many times she had come close herself), she also needed to remind him of his own duties as it was his final day being on class duty for the week. Hikari suppressed the bounce that threatened to come into her step when she realised it meant spending the late afternoon into the evening with Suzuhara as she had her own duties, and ensured the sombre Class Rep mask stayed glued to her face.

Without warning, Hikari smacked the ruler onto Suzuhara's desk, and his eyes cracked open. He almost fell backwards on his chair at the snapping sound, and the expression that crossed his face made him look like he was about to have a heart attack. Hikari tried not to laugh at how Suzuhara looked like his life had flashed before his eyes, and instead pushed her amusement to the side with a bitter, "That's why you shouldn't swing on your chair!"

Now sat bolt upright, Suzuhara groaned, "Most men dream of waking up to a woman, but…"

Hikari smacked the ruler down on the desk again, but it only elicited a startled gasp from Suzuhara and muffled laughter from Aida, his hand on his mouth as to not ruin his footage with laughter.

"You've got duty," Hikari informed him, trying to keep her tone as cold as possible. She was sure the warmth of her feelings for him were melting through, but the tired look on Suzuhara's face told Hikari that she was still suiting her role perfectly. Good.

"Do I have to?"

"What do you mean, do I have to? Of course you do!" Hikari wasn't sure how she was managing to speak with her heartbeat pulsing in her ears and a lump in her throat, but she had been the class representative for the majority of her life – not just in middle school – and thus knew how to wear the label well, even if it meant acting a little in regards to how she felt for other students…

Suzuhara groaned, and his eyes moved to meet his friends', who were still standing in the doorway, as if asking them for help. Instead, Aida only snickered and waved theatrically, exaggerating both his movements and voice, "Seeya Toji! Don't have too much fun without us!"

Ikari only meekly added, "Bye, Toji." The two of them walked out, Aida's voice echoing down the hall for seconds after they left, though Hikari couldn't make out all he was saying. _Too focused on Suzuhara, huh?_ The thought unsurprisingly resembled the voice of someone she knew – Asuka's.

The joy of finally being alone with her crush was clouded by the way Hikari noticed Toji's eyes weren't the glistening dark brown Hikari liked so much. They were dull, and lined with insomnia; obvious bags hung under his eyes. Hikari couldn't help the pang of sympathy when she realised Toji must have fallen asleep because he must have not slept the night before, and she definitely couldn't help the worry as she imagined several scenarios of why he would be so tired – staying up all night, worrying about his little sister, oh, he was just so _kind_ and _wonderful_ and _handsome_ and…

"Hey, Class Rep," his deep voice and Osaka dialect broke through the fragile silence like a pin popping a balloon, and Hikari blinked in surprise. "You're not gonna lecture me for sleepin' in class, huh?"

"Um…" for some reason, Hikari didn't seem to process what he said at first. Her thoughts were elsewhere, and she couldn't deny it. "You look tired, Suzuhara. Is everyth…"

"Toji," his voice cut through, catching Hikari off guard again. She was really embarrassing herself in front of him now.

"What?"

"Toji. Just call me Toji."

Hikari's eyes lit up. She knew Suzuhara, no, _Toji_ was a friendly person and he certainly wasn't one to care about the formalities of the Japanese language, opting to speak in Kansai-ben unless around adults, yet the fact that Toji wanted her to call him by his given name meant a lot to Hikari. It meant… he must consider her close! Hikari realised she had been silent for seconds too long when she realised Toji had one eyebrow raised in confusion, his gaze straight through her rather than to her.

Hikari coughed into her hand, trying to remember what she had been saying before _Toji_ (yes! Toji! Hikari still couldn't believe it) cut off her line of thought. "Y-yes. Yes! Um, I was going to say, is everything okay? Because you look…"

"Sakura's fine," Toji's response, quick and sharp, must have seemed insincere to Toji as he quickly followed up, "They think she could be comin' home in a week."

"But… but that's great news!" Hikari smiled at him, and she felt a light glow around her body when she saw the smile – albeit small – on Toji's own face. His arms folded across his chest, he looked down at the floor, swinging lightly on one foot; Toji truly never listened. But maybe that was part of his charm, the charm that had grabbed Hikari and reeled her in so hard she landed head first.

"Yeah," Toji agreed, but there was nothing in his voice. It almost broke her heart to hear Toji so low, especially when he was delivering news as good as his sister recovering so well that she could possibly be returning home soon. "But I'm failin'. If I can't get my grades up, then I risk repeatin' the grade."

Hikari was vaguely aware of most students' grades, though she was mainly only truly aware of who was exceeding and excelling, and only slightly aware when people weren't hitting the mark, being the Class Rep and all. She knew some students were behind, including Toji, but she didn't know he was failing. She also didn't know why the thought worried her so much. Maybe it was the way his head hung down and his voice sounded nothing more than a sigh, dejected and resigned.

"Well, what do you need help in? I can help you out!" the words came out faster than Hikari's thoughts, tumbling out so fast that Hikari was surprised she didn't trip over any of the words – it only sounded rushed. Toji noticed, however, he definitely noticed; his surprised expression was proof.

"Gee, someone's enthusiastic…"

Hikari bit back any excuses that tried to surface, mainly because she didn't have any. "I mean it, Su… Toji… I can help you out, with anything you want!" She had to dig her fingernails into her palms to suppress the thoughts rising to her head. Hanging around Asuka too long was definitely corrupting her innocence.

It seemed the same thoughts crept into Toji's head as he smirked, only to quickly wipe it away when he looked down at the ruler left abandoned on his desk.

"You mean it?" Toji questioned, clearing his throat. He sounded a lot like Toji again – the lilt in his voice, the spark, the _life_ … it was definitely getting progressively more difficult to hide her blush.

Hikari nodded, and bowed slightly. "Of course!" She took out a small, bright pink notebook decorated with cat stickers out from a pocket in her neatly organised bag, the matching pen in the ringed margin, and began to scrawl down some figures. She didn't notice the way Toji's gaze followed her hand.

She neatly tore out the page, taking care not to rip it or ruin the rest of her notepad. _So organised_ , Toji thought, _no wonder she's always been the Class Rep._ He almost laughed at the vast difference between the two of them.

Hikari presented him with the paper, which had a phone number two pink lines above an address. "Here's my phone, and here's my address. This way, you can come over to mine sometime and I could… well, I guess I could tutor you!"

The smile Hikari didn't know she was wearing was infectious, spreading to Toji's face as he smiled back at her. _She looks a lot cuter when she's not barkin' orders_ …

"How's 'bout tomorrow?" Toji asked, leaning back in his chair, trying to remain casual. His act worked, as Hikari kept talking the same as she had done before,

"O-Okay! Tomorrow morning?"

"No way," Toji scoffed, though quickly explained himself when he saw the corners of Hikari's lips fall slightly. "I won't be awake."

"Oh!" Hikari let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding. "Then, tomorrow afternoon? Is one okay?"

"One is fine. Seeya then."

"You too… T-Toji…"

For the both of them, doing the class duties on a Friday evening didn't seem so daunting anymore. And for Hikari, she couldn't wait to go home, tell Asuka all about it, have a bath, and then see Toji _again_ at her house! It was like a dream come true. She would get to spend time with him, alone, and he would have her undivided attention… Hikari was sure she had a smile on her face the entire time she helped Toji clean up the classroom. The aching and dimples in her cheeks were proof of it. Hikari forgot to care.


	2. Ni

[ **A/N** ] I know this one isn't garnering as much interest as the other multi-chaptered fic I have begun to work on, but I just couldn't help myself in writing some more for this one. It's just too addictive!

[ **Edit** ] Nothing major, just missed out a line break in the middle.

[ **Edit #2** ] Same as previous chapter.

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER TWO**

"…and he told me to call him Toji instead of Suzuhara! What do you think that means?"

"I think it means it's time for you to go to bed, Hikari."

Hikari curiously glanced over to the digital clock on her bedside table, flashing the numbers 22:58. Hikari wasn't really allowed to stay up any later than ten thirty at night, so she had to whisper down the phone to Asuka. Her excitement was hard to contain, however, and a few whispers cracked into tiny squeals as she relived the evening. Toji – Hikari still couldn't believe it – and Hikari had cleaned the classroom up in no time at all, their time alone only brief, something over which Hikari would have lamented if she weren't going to be spending tomorrow with him. Hikari had even let him go on ahead, claiming she still had her own responsibilities left (she didn't – she just wanted Toji to get home so he could get some sleep) and finished up the cleaning herself.

Hikari ignored Asuka's plea to finally hang up and go to sleep, continuing, "…What should I wear? Do you think I could ask Kodama if I could borrow some of her makeup?"

"Hikari," Asuka's tone was stern, "Just relax. Be yourself. Don't bother with all that junk. If he likes you, he'll like you for who you are. And if he doesn't like you for who you are, then he's an idiot, and he'll get my fist in his face!"

Hikari giggled at that. Asuka may have been simultaneously the scariest and most fascinating girl Hikari had ever met, worlds away from the fourteen she claimed to be and more mature and wiser than any adult she'd ever met, but she was the greatest friend she had ever had. Though Asuka made no effort to hide the annoyance in her voice, Hikari knew that Asuka would always be on the other end to answer phone calls no matter what time it was. Now that the time had passed eleven, Hikari realised it was time to hang up their hour long phone call. Asuka had been very patient, letting Hikari ramble about Toji for as long as she felt necessary, but Hikari knew it was time she would have to make her own decisions regarding her crush.

"I'm sorry for talking so much, and if I bothered you!" Hikari rushed out the apology, still intoxicated on the glee from the fact she was going to be spending Saturday afternoon with Toji. The _fact_ … it still didn't feel real. _I'm just tutoring him, helping him with homework, nothing more_ , Hikari tried to convince herself, but it did nothing to fan away her happiness and nerves. As Saturday began to draw closer, the nerves did start to dominate the happiness. It hadn't really dawned on her when she offered Toji just how nervous it would make her. She'd never been alone with Toji longer than half an hour, an hour at best. In fact, she'd never really been alone with a boy at all, let alone a boy she had a crush on. She hadn't even run it past her older sister Kodama yet. And she also hadn't asked her father if it were alright yet, though she was sure he would understand as long as they stayed out of her bedroom… _But I'm just tutoring him!_ The blush rising to her cheeks were quickly batting away any thoughts that she wasn't going to take advantage of their alone time, at least a little bit.

"Goodnight, Hikari," Asuka's sharp voice snapped Hikari back to reality.

"I'll speak to you tomorrow," Hikari smiled into the phone, having no doubt that she would definitely be back on the phone talking to Asuka in twenty four hours' time. "Goodnight, Asuka." Asuka hung up first, almost immediately after Hikari said her name, but Hikari had known Asuka long enough now that it was just the way she was.

Hikari often wondered what Asuka liked about Hikari, considering how different the two were. There were a lot of other girls just like Asuka – pretty, tall, slim, _developed_ – though both Hikari and Asuka knew that a lot of them were envious of Asuka, often spreading nasty rumours and gossiping about her to 'fill the gaps in their own sorry, pathetic lives', as Asuka had put it. Maybe it was more due to the other girls' prides that Asuka wasn't friends with them; come to think of it, Asuka didn't really _have_ any other friends. She didn't seem to get along with the quiet Ayanami girl, despite working alongside her in the Eva piloting trio, and Hikari was never sure where Asuka stood with Ikari.

Though they lived together, Asuka would confess to Hikari in their night time phone calls that they often see-sawed between cuddles and kisses and arguments and snubbing one another until the other couldn't take it (usually Shinji) and apologised, only for the cycle to repeat. It seemed tiring, how the two would tip-toe around one another. It was obvious to everyone and not just Hikari that there were feelings between the two – not just the superficial, lustful attraction most boys felt towards Asuka, but a genuine bond that stemmed only from sharing their lives together in situations that could tear them apart forever, a bond not many people ever experience. Hikari knew her feelings for Toji were miles away from their feelings, and she knew she was in the same sort of situation in that she felt too shy, too embarrassed to sit Toji down and talk about it. Maybe if, no, when they got closer through tutoring… no, _it's not like that!_

Hikari covered her face with her pillow, hiding her blush and grin from nobody but herself and nothing but the darkness engulfing her room. Hikari felt tired, the weight of the week's duties inside and outside of school sneaking up and pressing down on her, but there was no way she could go to sleep; all she could think of was _him._ Now she understood why they called it lovesick – the nerves, the excitement, the anticipation of seeing him again were stirring up into one big cocktail of emotion that resembled nausea.

Trying to calm down as best she could, Hikari let out slow and steady breaths, closing her eyes and lying back on her pillow. She let her body sink into her futon, and she let her arms wrap around her kitty cushion. She fell asleep to the wonderings of how it felt to be held by a boy, by him, by _Toji_.

* * *

Hikari always woke up early; she couldn't recall a day when she didn't. Even at weekends, she was often awake and out of bed by eight, usually to prepare breakfast for herself, her two sisters Kodama and Nozomi, and the weekends off work meant the addition of her father's company in the morning. However, she had woken up this particular Saturday at half six, right when the sun began to crack through her curtains. She knew it wouldn't bring one o'clock any closer – in fact, it would only drag it out farther – but she just couldn't help it. The excitement she felt mirrored that of the excitement of Christmas morning.

She just couldn't wait any longer to see him. Part of her wanted to call him, just to wake him up and hear his voice, but the guilt nagging at her eventually stubbed that idea into the ground when she remembered just how tired Toji looked on Friday. Another part of her wanted to maybe just text him, asking if he could possibly make it any earlier – she would just put it down to needing to run some errands that afternoon and it couldn't be helped. Texting him wouldn't wake him up, as long as his phone weren't on loud, but he would still see it before he was due to come over.

Still, she couldn't fight her worry for him, deciding to lock her phone and place it down onto her desk after her trembling fingers hovered over his name in her phone. He had text her the previous evening, around seven, presumably the sort of time he would have gotten home from school. It was only a short text, one that skipped all the 'hi how are yous' and the formalities, and just read, 'This Hikari?'

Even though the text was so brief that it would be impossible to analysis or interpret any subliminal messages, Hikari still found herself taking longer to reply than she probably should have. Any longer and Toji probably would have thought he had been duped, given a fake number and address. She had picked up her phone, replying almost five minutes after he had texted her; a minute spent trying to work out what to say, two minutes spent thinking about the best way to say it ( _should I put an exclamation mark? Should I put two?_ ), and the final two minutes spent wondering if she should even reply at all.

'Yes, it's me!'

Toji didn't reply until much later, it seemed, as her phone had not buzzed again that night. She spent some time worrying over it, wondering if she had done something wrong, until Asuka reassured her that Toji had probably just passed out early. Asuka truly was a genius, as Hikari noticed the next morning that a third message highlighted with a green box had been added to their conversation, sent at 2:05: 'Cool. See you later'. Hikari didn't know why such a simple text made her cheeks heat up; maybe it was just seeing his name at the top of the conversation that held a lighter to her face. Maybe it was the combination of his name and the fact she would be seeing him later in her own home. Maybe it was just _him_ , simply and purely.

* * *

11am. Hikari wasn't sure where the time had gone, but it was moving quicker than she had anticipated.

After rushing around all morning cleaning the house from top to bottom, including cleaning downstairs twice just in case she missed anything (though her meticulous personality rendered it unlikely), as well as preparing a cooked breakfast for the four of them, Hikari still thought she had enough time left to just sit down and take a break. She had finished the majority of her homework the night before, but left some questions unsolved in the hopes that she could use them to run through them with Toji and help him complete the same questions on his own homework sheet.

Hikari wasn't new to tutoring. Her younger sister Nozomi often went to Hikari for help with her homework, and had done ever since the death of their mother when Nozomi was only young. They were all young, too young to have their mother snatched from them, but Kodama and now Hikari were stepping into her shoes perfectly. Sometimes Mr. Horaki would make a point of walking past or looking at his two older daughters twice, before commenting with a sincere yet wistful smile, 'Just like your mother, beautiful inside and out.'

What Hikari was new to, however, was tutoring someone in her class, her own age. She had sometimes helped friends out if they needed guidance with their homework, as it was a duty that fell under the umbrella of being a Class Representative. Sometimes 'friends' would go behind her back and outright copy her homework, using her kindness and taking advantage of it, whereas others would be genuinely grateful that Hikari took time out of her busy schedule just to help a classmate out. Still, she had never constantly tutored someone, especially not a _boy._ It felt so weird and new and exciting all at the same time.

Maybe now was the perfect time to warn her father and sister (Nozomi wouldn't care nor see it as anything other than what it was) of the guest she had coming over that afternoon.

* * *

11:30am. Toji had seen this time not from behind his eyelids more than he wanted to admit.

Most teenage boys were still asleep at this time, especially on a Saturday; he wanted to join them, but sleep seemed to be refusing to come to him as of late. The only person Toji knew that would be awake at this time on a Saturday was Shinji, but it wasn't like he exactly filled all the criteria of what Toji thought to be a normal teenage boy. Not that he was abnormal, just… different to Toji. It was probably why they gelled so well together, him; Kensuke, and now Shinji. How Shinji managed to forgive Toji after his anger got the better of him, Toji would never understand. He just wanted to forget it ever happened, like how Shinji had managed to forget and befriend Toji, but it was one of the memories haunting him. Just one more reason why Toji was struggling to sleep at night.

The first reason was, of course, his little sister. Sakura was only in the second grade, and she was all he had left as a memory of their late mother. Ever since their mother had died, Toji had taken it upon himself to care for her, to protect her. When he first started middle school, many of the other boys, particularly the older ones, had laughed at him, calling him names and insulting his manhood just because he cared so much for his little sister. It got so bad that Toji jumped at the chance to move to live with his grandfather in New Tokyo-3, even though he'd heard horror stories about it being a potential warzone. He transferred schools, and for the first few months he kept to himself, sitting at the back of the classroom. In a way, he was kind of like Shinji, and that was probably another reason why they clicked so well – they were more similar than they thought.

Keeping to himself meant Toji never had to let strangers in. He never had to confide in anyone and make it known that he adored his little sister, as if it were a problem to be embarrassed about in the first place. It wasn't until he and Kensuke Aida had designated class duty together when Toji opened up and made his first friend in New Tokyo-3. They, too, were more alike than had previously thought, and Kensuke didn't judge Toji for his protection over his little sister – he didn't even ask for reasons why. He just accepted it. That was more than Toji realised he ever needed.

But then his little sister got hurt in an Eva incident, causing his protective side to grow whilst his hate and resentment for the Evangelions and their pilots were also nurtured in the process. Part of him felt guilty at not insisting they stayed in Osaka and just handling the bullying by himself (most probably with his fists), feeling guilty in case it was his enthusiasm about wanting to move to New Tokyo-3 that eventually led to Sakura's injuries. He thought he had lost her. He had never been so scared in his life.

All his fears and anger manifested into one unhealthy concoction Toji could only express through his fist when he punched Shinji the first time. Toji was convinced the meek, 'woe-is-me' attitude Shinji portrayed was all an act; it had to be, because there was no way someone as pathetic and weak-willed was behind the controls, though he could believe the pilot was so spineless as to involve innocent people and harm his little sister. Shinji's acquiescence and the fact he muttered, 'I'm not piloting it by choice, either' only insulted Toji even more. In hindsight, Toji knew he had acted impulsively and shouldn't have hit Shinji so hard. It wasn't until he saw Shinji in the cockpit (or the entry-plug, as he had heard it being called by Kensuke a few times) and how he suffered when Toji's cold attitude began to thaw. The guilt still ate away at him, and Toji didn't think it would stop anytime soon, even if Shinji was the second person he had ever befriended.

Toji had lied to Hikari yesterday; Sakura was making great progress and recovering well, that was true, but it was going to be a while until she would be discharged. It broke his heart, having to be told about the countless amount of surgeries she had to undergo, though the numbers were starting to go down now. Most of her days were spent lying alone in her hospital bed, covered in bandages and stitches. Toji made sure to visit her any time the hospital allowed, and Sakura was always so happy and smiley just to be in his company. She was so positive, offering Toji life advice wiser than anything Toji had ever heard before. And she was just a second grader! Toji was so proud of Sakura, so proud to share the name Suzuhara with her, and he felt so foolish that he let it embarrass him back in Osaka.

 _Swoosh._ The ball fell effortlessly through the hoop, the net swinging back and forth. Toji often came to the basketball court on Saturday mornings, sometimes Saturday afternoons if Kensuke or Shinji were busy, just to get away from life and all it had thrown at him so far. After the hospital, the basketball court was the second place Toji visited the most. He liked that it was always dead, abandoned just like most places in New Tokyo-3. No one wanted to live in a warzone. Toji didn't want to, not after seeing the ugliness that it could bring first hand, but it did offer some beautiful moments of solitude.

Because Toji was so preoccupied with worrying about his little sister, his grades were slipping. That was his biggest concern next to Sakura's welfare. Sakura assured him that it would be okay if he brought his homework to the hospital, and they could work on it together; Toji was sure Sakura was so smart that she probably could provide some help, but he just didn't want to push that on an eight year old already balancing the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had enough to worry about without Toji's worries, too, no matter how many times Sakura tried to convince him that she didn't mind. She said she just wanted to not see the dark circles under his eyes the next time he visited. It was getting harder to promise when the teacher warned Toji that if his grades didn't improve by the next semester, then he risked having to repeat the year. The teacher even said that because Toji wasn't an Eva pilot, he didn't really have an excuse, and Toji believed that. Then again, Toji also believed he was going to disappoint his father and grandfather if he didn't work harder. Maybe he was just slacking and being lazy, but juggling schoolwork and worrying for Sakura whilst caring for his father and grandfather was just proving too difficult for Toji. He hadn't bothered to explain that, because it wasn't like it would make the teacher any more sympathetic towards him. Toji wasn't exactly the most respectful student, nor was he exactly the biggest contender for student of the year.

But Hikari… Hikari Horaki was a new breed of perfect student. Toji was so curious to find out how Hikari was able to balance taking on the motherly role and look after not just her younger sister but also her older sister and father as well as keeping on top of her duties as the Class Rep _and_ excelling in her studies. In a way, Toji felt guilty at accepting Hikari's offer to tutor him; surely she had enough on her plate without adding him to her list of concerns. But that was why she was the Class Rep in the first place – she cared for everyone, wholeheartedly and sincerely, to the detriment of herself. Even if she was nagging everyone, especially Toji himself, a little too much to the point where her voice was grating on his ears, Toji could see her heart was in the right place. It was rare to find such genuine kindness in a world so torn up by Angels and Evangelions.

Toji watched the ball fall through the hoop one more time, letting it bounce twice as it hit the ground before picking it up and heading back home. Getting to Hikari's a little earlier than scheduled surely wouldn't hurt either of them.


	3. San

[ **A/N** ] Because I saw this chapter was exceeding 2000 words, I thought I would split it into two chapters because I prefer shorter chapters. They're easier to follow that way. I don't know how many chapters this will eventually have, though I still have a lot I need to come to so it will probably be over ten chapters (again why I would prefer to keep the chapters at 2k words minimum).

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER THREE**

The sweet aroma of vanilla and strawberry rose to the ceiling and filled the Horaki household.

Hikari had two reasons why she had decided to bake a batch of cupcakes – one, to pass the time, and two, to impress her guest.

She had heard somewhere once that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, and she felt Toji was no exception. Losing her mother young meant Hikari learned how to cook from an early age, with baking a hobby she nurtured with the help of her older sister. So, Toji wasn't exactly the reason why Hikari cooked every day and baked every other weekend. He was, however, the reason why she had decided to cook a little bit more at dinner in the hopes she could share anything leftover with him.

Hikari heard footsteps creeping into the kitchen as she took the tray out of the oven, which was never surprising as she lived in a busy household that always seemed to be hungry.

"Wow, what's the occasion?" Kodama's voice came from behind her, and Hikari turned around to find her older sister, dressed up, sniffing the air as the scent of freshly made cupcakes wafted past her. "And why wasn't I invited?"

Hikari was glad her mittens made it difficult for her sister to see the way her fingers tensed around the tray as she thought of ways to evade the question. "You know I just like to make cakes from time to time, Kodama."

But Hikari's face couldn't be hidden by anything, and it ended up betraying her with a blush. Hikari never could figure out a way to push her heart back into her chest rather than wearing it so loosely on her sleeve.

"You're blushing!" Kodama teased, making no effort to hide the giggle in her voice. "Hikari, is there something... no, maybe some _one_ I should know about?"

Hikari set the tray down onto the rack she had placed on the counter next to the stove and lowered her voice, her gaze straight on Kodama's face as she pleaded with her mittened hands clasped in front of her like she was praying, "Kodama, I have… a friend coming over this afternoon, because h… they want some tutoring… so…" Hikari was careful to avoid any gendered language, so careful in fact she may just as well have been teetering on her tiptoes around her older sister just to avoid any use of the pronoun 'he'.

When Kodama's cheeky grin fell from her face, Hikari felt it safe to continue, "I haven't told dad yet."

Kodama's grin only reappeared with that confession from her innocent little sister. "Would it be a problem? I mean, you've had plenty of friends over in the past, and he's never cared all too much. Unless…"

Hikari waved her hands, fully aware of how silly she looked with the mittens on. "It's not like that, okay! I'm just helping him because I'm the class representative and it's one of my duties! It's definitely not _like that_!" No matter what Hikari said, however, her face portrayed the exact opposite as heat rose across her flushed cheeks.

"But you like him, right?" Kodama continued to tease, and Hikari knew she had been caught out. She had never been the best liar.

"I… I'm just tutoring him…" Hikari said quietly to no one in particular. She wasn't even managing to convince herself anymore.

"Relax, sis," Kodama lowered her voice to match her sister's. "You know dad won't mind you having a classmate over, even if they are a boy. As long as you, well, stay downstairs…"

"We're going to!" Hikari answered so sharply and quickly that it wasn't until after she had spoken did she realise her sister may have not even finished her sentence. "We will. It's just studying together."

"It's not me you need to be telling," Kodama winked, walking over to the rack and lightly waving her hand over the top of them to cool them down. She picked one up when she felt they were cool enough, one decorated with creamy vanilla frosting, and held it in one hand, scooping stray icing off the corner with a finger from the other hand.

After sucking her finger to taste the icing, Kodama thanked her sister, who returned her praise with a look that said, 'But I didn't offer you any…' Still, Hikari didn't mind all too much, since she had baked twelve and that was more than enough for both her household and Toji.

"Anyway, I'm meeting my boyfriend, so I'll be back later," Kodama walked as she talked, unwrapping the cupcake and ignoring the crumbs that fell to the floor. Before leaving the kitchen, she flashed Hikari a peace sign and said, "Have fun!"

When Kodama had left Hikari's vision, she turned around to lean on the counter and sighed. Her apron was covered in frosting and flour, and she hadn't yet tied her hair up into two pigtails. She took off the oven mittens and looped them through the oven handle before quickly glancing at her watch to find it was just past twelve. Making the cupcakes had definitely been something to do to fill the time as well as something to cool her nerves as one crept closer, but now they were done with still just under an hour to spare, Hikari's nerves returned.

 _There's nothing to worry about_ … she kept saying to herself as she gave herself the pep talk Asuka started over the phone last night. _I've talked to him before. It's nothing…_

"Hikari?"

Kodama's voice calling Hikari's name from the hall startled Hikari enough to gasp, interrupting her self-pep talk. It even made her feel like her heart skipped a beat and got caught in her throat. Why was she so jumpy all of a sudden? Toji wasn't some scary monster. He couldn't be further from one. He was kind and so sweet and evidently cared so much for his little sister, which was so much more than could be said for most of the other guys in her class…

"Coming!"

* * *

"Is everything alr…" Hikari was cut off when she peered round the corner into the hall and found her sister still holding the front door open as she stood facing… "Oh, T-Toji!" She walked closer to the front door to stand beside her sister and quickly glanced at her watch again, trying to be as discreet as possible, "You're… you're early!"

"Sorry," Toji apologised, running a hand through his hair. He glanced over at Kodama before staring directly at Hikari. The longer he looked at her, the more difficult it was starting to become for the blush to stop spreading across Hikari's cheeks. "I just thought I'd come a lil' early, 'cus I had nothin' to do." Toji looked back at Kodama, who looked so much like a taller version of her sister it was uncanny, and continued, "Unless I'm interruptin'… then I'll…"

"No, no!" this time, it was Kodama who spoke rather than Hikari. "I'm heading out now. See you later, Hikari! Nice to meet you, Suzuhara!" She quickly dipped to bow lightly to Toji before slinking past him and leaving out the front gate.

Once she was out of sight, Hikari held her hands out in front of her stomach politely. She realised quickly that Toji was so tall she was having to hold her head up to meet his eyes. "I just didn't think you would come this early. I thought you would…"

 _Have forgotten_ , Hikari wanted to finish, but stopped herself in case it sounded too accusatory and offended him. The way he raised his eyebrows slightly indicated that perhaps he wanted Hikari to continue, only for her to shake her head. "No, nothing." It wouldn't have been a good start to accuse him of anything before he had even stepped out of the porch. _Out of the porch_ …

"Oh, I'm so forgetful! Please, come in, come in!" Hikari only realised she hadn't invited him in when the breeze from outside brushed against her cheek. He stepped into the hall, slipping his shoes off using just one hand, Hikari noticed, as under his right arm was a basketball and slumped over his right shoulder was a bag she presumed was carrying his laptop and other study items.

"Do you want me to take anything?" she offered, reaching her hand out to relieve him of any extra weight and make his shoe struggle easier before he could even answer.

"No, no, it's okay, thank you." With a grunt, Toji removed the final shoe, placing it next to the first one in the entrance. Hikari closed the front door behind him as he politely said to her, "Sorry for the intrusion."

It was one of the few times Hikari heard Toji drop his usual Kansai dialect to adopt more formal and polite standard Japanese phrases, but it was just one of many, many times that his voice caused Hikari's heart to soar.

"Don't be silly," she smiled, though her blush was growing harder to contain now. He smiled back at her before his eyes widened like he had caught sight of something – or, rather, caught the scent of something…

"Is somethin' cookin'?" Toji didn't even try to hide the excitement sneak into his voice. His childlike enthusiasm made sure Hikari's smile stayed there on her face, and she couldn't see it going away any time soon – even if it meant sore cheeks by the end of the day.

"I baked cupcakes this morning!" Hikari gleamed, only remembering she was still wearing her apron when she noticed flour had gotten onto her hands.

"Aww, all for me?" Toji grinned, and Hikari could slightly see his tongue poke through the gap between his top and bottom teeth. She just wanted him to stop being so _adorable_ or else she feared her heart would swell so much that it would explode in her chest.

"I made twelve – six vanilla, six strawberry!" Hikari continued smiling right up to the corners of her eyes. "Well, there were twelve… my big sister Kodama took one before she left."

"She had crumbs all 'round her mouth," Toji slid his comment into the gap Hikari had made in the conversation to take a breath, and Hikari was sure he let out a little, airy laugh as he recalled his awkward greeting with Hikari's sixteen year old sister Kodama Horaki.

* * *

From leaving the basketball court near his home right until he reached the front step of the address Hikari had given to him at school the day before, Toji had debated his decision to turn up early. Even when he balled his hand into a fist to knock on the front door he was reluctant, staring at his fist and wondering if he should have gone home, leave his basketball there, and change out of his usual tracksuit, only for him to end up at Hikari's house.

After taking a deep breath and right when he had mustered enough courage to knock on the door despite his worries in case Hikari was busy and that's why she couldn't do anything too early, the front door unlocked and he came face to face with a teenage girl slightly older than him. If Toji hadn't been paying attention and was still lost in his thoughts, he could have easily mistaken her for Hikari, given how they shared the same wavy light brunette hair and cute freckles dotted across their cheeks. She was just taller, slightly curvier and more developed, and had a more mature face than Hikari. But, Toji thought, she was no less beautiful. If this girl didn't look like she could come first place in a Hikari lookalike contest, Toji would have thought he got given the wrong address.

Toji was sure he perfectly reflected the older girl's 'deer in headlights' expression like a mirror. He gulped, hard, and introduced himself. "Um… I'm here to see Hikari. I'm Suzuhara, Suzuhara Toji."

She had nodded somewhat in recognition, which simultaneously surprised and relieved Toji as he realised it meant he had come to the right house.

"Oh! She's in the kitchen. I'll call her for you!" It was getting weirder just how similar this girl looked and now sounded to Hikari.

"Hikari?"

Toji only realised his hand was still scrunched up into a fist when he heard the response from Hikari, and he unfurled his hand in relaxation.

"Coming!"

* * *

"So, unless you can eat eleven cupcakes all to yourself…" Hikari played along with his earlier playful comment.

"I'm sure I could give it a try."


	4. Yon

[ **A/N** ] I don't know why, but this chapter took me longer to complete because I felt unhappy with the way it was unfolding. I think it is now at a state I am happy with, though, and my own motivation came from two new followers! Of course, I must give a huge shoutout to **G-Matt** , who's been there for this since it pretty much began. At first, I thought it was just gonna be us two flying the flag for this underappreciated background ship, but then we were joined by two more (andImustadmititisahugehonourbecauseonehaswrittenanabsolutelybrilliantfanfiction-) so... welcome aboard!

My second motivation to finish this chapter also came from reading the particularly awful chapters in the manga just to see if I would want to buy it in spite of Toji's death (spoiler: I don't want to buy it, because just the phrase 'Toji's death' hurts to write I swear) and the Tojikari in the manga made me desperately want to continue with this and give them the happy ending they deserve.

As a result, I have decided to title this chapter 'yon' and not 'shi', since if you may have noticed the chapter titles are numbers in Japanese. Both words mean 'four', but 'shi' also means 'death' and in Japanese culture it is considered an unlucky number because of this. Since this is going to ultimately have a happy ending (albeit with a few hardships along the way because, I mean, this _is_ Evangelion we're talking about) I want to wish as much luck as I can to the couple~

Phew, got that longer than usual author's note out of the way. I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

"Do you think you understand it now?"

Toji's elbow slipped on the kotatsu's table top, pushing his fist away from the cheek that had been resting on it. His eyes widened before they narrowed again when he realised Hikari had been talking to him. "Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah."

Hikari frowned, ignoring any and all concerns of him not sleeping well the night before to furrow her eyebrows at him. Now sans her flour covered apron and her hair tied into her two trademark pigtails, she was in full Class Rep mode. He was practically ignoring her, even after she had spent however long explaining an equation to him. She had even tried to explain it as simply as possible to the point where she was perhaps bordering on patronising him. Already, Hikari was growing frustrated, her annoyance soon overpowering any worry for him. There was only so much Hikari could say and do – it was up to Toji whether he co-operated or not. There was only so far Hikari could go with teaching him – if he didn't want to listen, then the fault lied with Toji, not her.

Yet, no matter how much she told herself that, part of her didn't want to penalise Toji. Maybe she just had to be patient, or try another approach – either way, it was more than she had done for any other student. For the most part, the students Hikari tutored were grateful and worked hard with her, no matter how difficult they found the questions at first. Hikari had never dealt with a difficult student before, but she knew that, if she had, she would soon lose patience with them. She knew exactly why she was allowing Toji to be the exception, whether she wanted to admit that or not.

"Toji, you wanted my help, but if you don't want to work with me, then…" Hikari picked her words carefully, ensuring he took her seriously but not confuse her stern tone with nagging or frustration, even if she was beginning to feel the latter.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," his apology came out quickly, cutting off Hikari as if he had been rushing to get his words out.

His voice lingered in the air before an uncomfortable silence hung over them. All the words Hikari wanted to say were either cold and harsh, or warm and concerned. In the end and after a few moments of silence passed, Hikari chose the warm and concerned words, only singing them to a colder tune.

"Didn't you sleep last night?" Hikari glanced at Toji, long enough to see just how heavily lidded his eyes were but not long enough to catch his gaze, before glancing over at the discarded cupcake wrappers circling Toji. A few crumbs still clung to the wrappers. "And didn't you have anything to eat before you came?"

The laugh that came from Toji was more than enough to melt Hikari. It was only small, like he had pushed air out of his nose, and his shoulders shrugged too.

"Sorry," Toji smiled harmlessly. "I only got a couple hours last night."

He rubbed his eye sleepily as if to prove his point, and Hikari let her body relax; she hadn't realised just how tense she had become until Toji smiled at her.

"Well, let's just try again. Shall I repeat how to do the question?" Hikari asked, and Toji hummed in response. She nodded, picking up her pen and using it to point to the equation on her own half-complete homework sheet. Toji watched as her pen danced across the page as she scribbled down notes on how to work it out, explaining what she was doing as she went along. Though it was all at risk of flying right over Toji's head, he made sure he paid attention, determined to go up by at least a few percent to begin with in their next test.

His own pencil hovered over the same question on his sheet, which looked so pathetically empty compared to Hikari's. During Hikari's explanation, Toji did find himself briefly glancing at his laptop, which almost hung off the edge of the kotatsu top, its screen black and forgotten about. He also found himself wondering why, in this age of incredible technology, the teacher still preferred to hand out worksheets to be completed manually when everyone just used their laptop to take class notes in the first place. Sometimes the teacher assigned online homework, but it was growing rarer as the year progressed. Maybe it was the pre-Second Impact generation still nostalgically clinging to what they knew to be normality, Toji thought, remembering how his mother always sang praises of pen and paper when she was alive, despite being a brilliant woman of science. Realising he was getting distracted again, Toji tuned back into Hikari just in time for her to ask, "Do you think you could give it a try?"

"Sure." Discreetly, Toji twisted Hikari's sheet closer to him and read the working out notes she had scrawled around the equation. It amazed him, how Hikari opted to always use her pen even when solving math. Something was so fearless about it, like she wasn't scared to get it wrong – not that she ever did, anyway. If Toji ever got anywhere near Hikari's practically perfect grades, everyone would know it because he would just constantly brag about it. Hikari, on the other hand, was so modest and humble whether she got a ninety nine or hundred. After the last test in class was handed back to them and Toji saw the reality of how much his grades were slipping first hand, he overheard two girls he could never remember the names of surrounding Hikari, cooing and gawking in awe.

* * *

"Wow, Hikari! How do you do it?" one had asked.

The other nodded in agreement and added, "Yes, tell us!"

There was a look on Hikari's face that Toji had never seen on anyone, let alone the Class Rep, before. It was sincere, full of appreciation and gratitude for their praise. Toji couldn't believe Hikari, the perfect student and the Class Rep for as long as he knew her, wasn't used to getting praise and compliments, but the look on her face somehow said otherwise.

"Oh, I just studied a lot! Do you want me to help you both? We can study together for the next test!" Hikari sounded so genuine. She truly did want to bring out the best in everyone. Even knowing that, Toji still couldn't help but wonder why she was going to waste time she could have spent studying on helping him improve. At least, however, he knew he would be in safe hands with her tutoring him.

* * *

After a lot of head scratching and even more chewing at the end of his pencil, Toji managed to scrawl down what he thought was the answer. Before Hikari noticed he had finished writing, Toji plopped his pencil down next to the paper and turned to face her directly, "Hey, Class Rep. Why are ya doin' this for me?"

"W-What?" she had been taken completely off guard. "What… what do you mean?"

"I mean, why are ya spendin' yer Saturday helpin' me out?" Toji looked down at his lap and lowered his voice, a small but sad smile crossing his face. "Shouldn't ya be focusin' on yer own studies? Seein' yer friends?"

Hikari stared at him for a while with wide eyes, dumbfounded. When she realised what Toji was saying, she tried to smile back. "Don't worry about me. I want to do this. To… help you…"

She bit the inside of her cheek, desperately trying not to blush.

"But… but why?" Toji was persistent. He honestly couldn't piece together why the Class Representative wanted to help him out. One moment she was always chewing him out, berating him for defying school rules or passing notes or throwing paper aeroplanes or something about 'sexist, degrading language'. Now, he was sat in her side room alone with her as she showed him how to work out math questions he found incredibly difficult. He also couldn't quite work out how her devil of a best friend allowed this to happen – that is, whether she knew about their current arrangement at all.

"Why'd ya wanna help _me_?" he kept pushing the question because he just wasn't finding the answers in his head no matter how hard he thought about it. It just didn't make sense.

Hikari swallowed, her eyes darting around as she tried to come up with some sort of excuse that would be enough to satiate his curiosity without revealing her true feelings.

"Um… well, why wouldn't I want to help you?" she answered. In her attempts to avoid his gaze, she looked down at his sheet of paper, surprised to see Toji had not only written what appeared to be an answer, but he had circled it too like he was so proud of himself for getting something down on paper. She checked it against her own working out, and tentatively looked up at Toji to see where his own gaze was. Fortunately for her, he was still looking down at the floor.

"I just… I guess I thought ya hated me, or somethin'…" he admitted, his voice so small Hikari almost couldn't recognise it. There was a sense of vulnerability she had never heard in Toji's strong voice that could dominate anyone's - even Asuka's. "I mean, I'm surprised the dragon herself hasn't bitten my head off just for breathin' the same air as you." He chuckled at his own joke.

"The dragon… oh, Asuka," Hikari whispered, not really intending for him to hear her.

Toji shifted in his seat, one hand holding onto his ankle as he crossed his legs. His gaze stayed fixated on the ground. "So, when you said you'd help me… I realised you ain't as scary as they all say y'are."

Finally, he looked up at her, and their eyes met. He laughed quietly and half-smiled at her as she processed what he had just admitted.

"Hey, who says I'm scary?" Hikari giggled, playfully nudging his arm. The contact caused Hikari's senses to be brought to life, even through the layers of fabric between them. Still, she was just glad that not only had he grown comfortable enough with her to admit his first impressions of her but also that she had grown comfortable enough to let down her serious side and just enjoy being in his company.

"N-No one, I swear! I was just kiddin'!" Toji raised his arms above his head in surrender, laughing all the while.

Hikari eyed him suspiciously, playing along, but she didn't manage to stay in her 'scary' mode for long when she started laughing with him. There was something beautiful about the two sat there, just laughing together about nothing. In that moment, Hikari thought, she could forget about all her duties both in and out of school. She could forget the day her father had to tell his three daughters that their mother wouldn't be coming home again after an accident at work. How her best friend, the first friend who had accepted her wholly and truly for who she was, could die at any minute… how _anyone_ could die at any minute, living in such a turbulent time teetering on the edge of the apocalypse… in this moment she shared with Toji, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but _him_ right now.

Their laughter faded into silence and they remained still, looking at one another. Hikari had never sat so close to Toji before; it was difficult to tell whether the heat against her legs came from the kotatsu or Toji's body. She had also never seen him so up close before. Taking advantage of their proximity, Hikari studied his features so intently that she vowed his expression, one of contentment, would remain etched in her memory until the end of time. So intently that she didn't care anymore if her intentions were obvious.

"You… you got the answer right, by the way," Hikari didn't realise she had broken the silence until she was half-way through her sentence. She also didn't realise she was still staring at him until the mess he had made around his mouth came into focus. "You've… you've also got a few crumbs around your mouth."

"I do?" Toji asked, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He managed to tackle the most of the crumbs, but a few tricky ones refused to budge. "Did I get 'em?"

"H-Here…" Hikari wasn't sure what came over her when suddenly one hand was under his chin to hold it in place while the other cleaned around his lips. Only using her fingers, she brushed the stray crumbs away, wondering where she had gotten such a brave surge of confidence to touch him like that. _It's the way he laughs, he just makes me feel_ invincible… it was so embarrassing, the thought that crossed Hikari's mind, that she wanted to kick herself. It was like a scene out of her favourite romantic movies, but even Hikari could admit her taste was cheesy at best.

Toji's skin was so much smoother than Hikari had anticipated, and she felt his heat against her hand as his cheeks lit up. When she detracted her fingers, she cleared her throat nervously and instantly changed the subject back to the whole reason he was there – the tutoring session.

"See, you do know what to do," Hikari complimented him.

"Yeah," Toji's tone was one of affirmation, but the way the word trailed off at the end didn't sound like he was agreeing at all. "Maybe." He theatrically thumped his head with his fist as he joked, "There _is_ a brain in there 'fter all!"

Hikari smiled and was about to reply when Toji's voice interjected, beating her to it.

"I think I just needed some motivation, y'know?" Toji's grip on his ankle grew tighter as his voice grew quieter. "I've got so much on my mind and so much goin' on at home, that school's the last thing on my mind. And without a mom to nag me…"

Hikari's heart sunk when she realised how similar she and he were in the worst way, but took his silence and refusal to continue the sentence as reluctance to go any further about his mother. Hikari didn't know what had happened to his mother – she wasn't even truly aware he didn't have one anymore – and wasn't one to pry, but her questions and worry faded when he smiled up at her. It was only a half-smile, yet it still lit her cheeks on fire as she blushed and smiled back.

"I guess I've got you to nag me instead, huh?"

While such a comment would have aggravated her in the classroom, it only warmed her in this situation. "I guess you do."

"Anyway… we're gettin' distracted. You're meant t'be my motivation…"

 _His motivation?_ Hikari was half-tempted to jump up and dance. It wasn't exactly what most girls would deem a romantic pet name, but it meant everything to Hikari. If being his motivation meant he stopped coming to school with deep set bags under his eyes and he could visit his sister in the hospital without worrying about every other aspect in his life… then she would be more than happy to take that name and wear it like a badge.

Glancing over at the plate of cupcakes – just eight left standing – an idea flashed over Hikari.

"Are cupcakes good motivation for you?"


	5. Go

[ **A/N** ] I am so thankful for all the new followers and readers of this story. It really warms my heart to see others appreciate Toji/Hikari as much as I do, even if we're only a small minority. I can't thank you enough for your continued support. It motivates me to continue updating and to never give up with this, whether one person reads it or a hundred.

A note about _Absum_ , because I realise it may seem I neglect that one in favour of _Made A Girl Cry_ : _Absum_ is a lot harder to write because of the differences in plot, tone, and pairing, and I want to make it as perfect as possible so I work extremely hard on it. Not that I don't work hard on _MAGC_ , it just flows a lot more naturally because the narrative is lighter, so updating it is easier and can happen more frequently. Thank you for the support on that fic and my newest one shot, since I have noticed some people have supported all three of the fics I have online so far.

Please enjoy!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

"So you're sayin'… every answer I get right from now on, I get a cupcake?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

Hikari rose to her feet gracefully before presiding over him with her hands on her hips. She was starting to resemble the authoritarian figure Toji was so used to seeing every day in the classroom, yet she was no less adorable. Toji tried to fight the smile that crossed his lips, but his attempts, no matter how valiant, were unsuccessful.

"Treatin' me like I'm a dog, givin' me a treat and a pat on the head when I do somethin' good," Toji laughed, and Hikari also lost the same fight he had in trying to hold back a smile.

"It's called positive reinforcement," Hikari informed him matter-of-factly. "Hopefully it should encourage you to keep up the hard work."

Toji's eyes moved down to the sheet in front of him. He looked at it directly for a few moments before his mouth contorted in confusion. "This one looks a lil tougher than the last one."

Hikari looked at her own sheet to see which question he was referring to, finding it unsurprisingly filled in and completed. She covered her answer and calculations covering the entire space provided after the question. "You just have to do a few more steps, but it's not as scary as it looks, I promise."

"Like you?" Toji teased, the pink of his tongue poking through his teeth as he flashed her a mischievous, cheeky grin. Hikari felt her heart rate increase tenfold _at least_ , and she just about managed to catch her breath to let out a small laugh. Usually, Hikari Horaki, Class Representative of Grade 8 Class 2-A, would scold him for being naughty, but even her strictest side couldn't help but admit how _adorable_ he smiled when he was joking around with her. Hikari Horaki, teenage girl, had defeated her alter ego – for now. But if 'for now' meant feeling the adrenaline buzz that accompanied the way he made her heart flutter, then both sides of Hikari were willing to succumb to his charm.

Realising she had spent a little longer than she had wanted thinking about him ( _despite the fact_ , Hikari tried to reason with herself, _he's sat right there in front of me_ ), Hikari reverted to her Class Rep persona, "Your cupcakes are on the line here."

Toji held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Tell me what I gotta do, Class Rep." Hikari's slightly raised eyebrow prompted him to swiftly add, " _Please_."

Hikari returned to the cushion adjacent to his, only realising how cold it had been in the few seconds she had stood up away from him when his body warmth hit her again. She crossed her legs and sat, noticing how her posture was so much straighter in comparison to Toji's slightly slouched over pose. It was odd how she was only noticing small details now they sat side by side, small details – miniscule even - she was now surprised to find she had overlooked before.

"All you have to do is…" everything after that, during the explanation, Hikari found herself glancing up at Toji after every sentence just to see if he was still paying attention. She was both surprised and pleased to find his gaze never left her – in fact, he seemed so focused, listening intently.

Before she had even finished explaining, Toji's hand gripped his pencil and he started scribbling faint notes, beginning to work the equation out following her instructions. Hikari's guidance faded into silence as she watched him and something – whatever it was – compelled her to take his pencil, momentarily forgetting his hand was still holding it. He looked up at her with wide eyes then looked back down to find her hand wrapped around his and he stopped writing, too bemused to continue. It wasn't until Hikari felt the heat emitting from his hand did she realise how her hand was on top of his. She quickly pulled it back, instantly missing the way his hand felt perfectly compatible within hers, and rushed to explain herself, "Sorry. Y-You… you did something wrong there."

Once the words had left her mouth, Hikari realised she had been so hasty to justify the sudden contact that she had used the first excuse she could think of – upon skimming through the few notes Toji had made thus far, she noticed he had followed her explanation flawlessly and nothing was wrong with what he had written. Desperately albeit awkwardly trying to rectify her mistake, Hikari went over the first few steps again, seeing Toji's confused expression only within her peripheral vision as she found herself too embarrassed to make eye contact with him.

"But… I did that," Toji muttered, not quite feeling Hikari's awkwardness even if she felt like it was radiating off her.

"Oh," Hikari looked down at his paper, pretending to read over his notes again. "So you did."

Toji laughed. "Y'know, Class Rep, who's tutorin' who here?"

Heat spread across Hikari's cheeks, emphasising the sweet constellation of freckles by painting them a bright pink. The way Toji looked at her indicated he had definitely noticed, though his bewildered face soon made way for a smile.

"Hey, why're you blushin'?"

Toji's question only nurtured her blush further, and she managed to blurt out, "Y-You're getting distracted again!"

His pencil hovered over the paper, seeming like he was about to continue writing down the notes Hikari had gone through with him, only to add, "Never thought I'd see the day the Class Rep would blush."

"S-Shut up!" Hikari hid her face in her hands, trying to make out his features through the gaps in her fingers.

"You've been hangin' round Soryu too much," Toji told her, causing Hikari to move her hands away from her face.

"You don't like Asuka much, do you?" Hikari wasn't sure why she posed the question when she knew the answer already. Asuka and Toji had bumped heads since they first met, though Asuka had always refused to tell Hikari why or what had happened to spur so much hatred towards him; all she had told her was that they just didn't get along and that they were too different to the point where it was difficult to agree. There weren't many people Asuka liked, Hikari knew that, though Hikari also knew that Asuka was prone to bottle her true feelings or cover them with anger and hatred for other people. Saying 'I hate you' to almost everyone was just so much easier to say than 'I love you' to just one person.

"I know she's yer friend and all, but… no, not really," Toji admitted, though Hikari expected that answer. Even though Asuka had silently declared Toji a nemesis, she still supported Hikari's feelings for him and encouraged her to confess how she felt to him, despite the fact she could not see where Hikari's attraction came from or why she felt any towards him in the first place.

"Why is that?" Hikari inquired, genuinely curious but smiling as she asked, cautious that he would find her nosy and annoying.

Toji smiled back. "Now who's the one gettin' distracted?"

Hikari opened her mouth to protest, her face still as bright red – if not brighter – as it was a few moments before, but Toji decided to answer her question anyway. "We're just too similar, that's why."

The explanation directly contradicted the one Asuka had provided when Hikari had first befriended her, but Hikari thought better than to press the subject when she had a duty to fulfil.

"I see…" Hikari swiftly shifted to the topic at hand. "Um, anyway, do you still know what you're doing with this one, or do you want me to go through…"

"It's 'kay," Toji interjected, softening his interruption with a smile. "I think I got it now."

Hikari watched as Toji continued working out the equation as Hikari had instructed, particularly paying attention to the subtle proud smile that grew with each pencil stroke.

"Y'know, Teach makes it seem so difficult," Toji's voice caught Hikari off guard, but she still welcomed his conversation. "But you make it seem so simple. Maybe I'm not as big a' idiot as I thought."

"Oh, well… thank you," Hikari didn't know what else to say.

"No, I should be thankin' ya, for doing all this," Toji continued to write as he spoke. His eyes never left the paper, but his words were no less sincere. In fact, Hikari just found his determination endearing.

"I want to do this," slipped out of Hikari's mouth, and Toji's features contorted in confusion. Putting his pencil down to indicate he had finished the working out, Toji looked directly at Hikari. His eyes must have burned through her as she felt her cheeks heat up.

"But why?" he had already asked before, curiosity still niggling at him.

"I just don't want you to fail," Hikari confessed. "Especially since you can do it, but you have so much going on in your life that it's like nobody wants to listen. I mean, I understand, because I feel guilty telling Asuka all my small problems when she's protecting the world, so I imagine it's the same with you, right?"

Hikari's words resounded with Toji so much that he was too surprised to respond properly at first. "…Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I can't talk t' Shinji 'bout problems and stuff cus he's got it so much worse, and Kensuke… well, ya can't talk to Kensuke 'bout nothin'."

Toji smiled, but it wasn't like the previous smiles Hikari had seen that day – it was sad, lonely, even.

"Remember I told ya that my lil' sis is comin' outta the hospital?" Toji lowered his voice, his gaze never leaving Hikari's. Stupefied, Hikari could only nod, and he continued, "I lied. It'd be a miracle if she's released in a month, let alone a week."

"I'm so sorry," there was nothing else Hikari could say. Nothing she said would heal not only his younger sister, but the ache that constantly throbbed in Toji's chest having to deal with the extent of her injuries.

"Don't be, it ain't yer fault," Toji attempted to mask the melancholy in his usually upbeat tone with humour, but the cracks in his façade were beginning to show.

Hikari desperately wanted to reach over and wrap her arms around Toji. She wanted to envelope him in an embrace, to hear his heartbeat against hers, to tell him that everything was going to be okay. However, with the same amount of desperation that was almost compelling her to hug him tight and collapse into him, she regretfully suppressed the urge.

"I got this one right, huh?" Toji's ability to change topics was astounding, enviable.

"Oh, yes, you did," even when any trace of sadness had left Toji's voice, Hikari struggled to hide her own sadness. "Choose your cupcake."

* * *

Hours had passed. Tears had been shed, mainly from laughter, though a few were out of sadness, particularly on Hikari's part. All the equations had been complete with very few mistakes but, for the most part, Toji had done a wonderful job both with and without any external guidance from Hikari.

Dim light spilled into the side room from the hallway, dusk approaching closer.

Toji was the first to stand up, stretching as he rose to his feet, with Hikari following shortly after.

"There's still a cupcake left, if you would like it," Hikari held her hands out in front of her lap politely.

"You have it," Toji declined. "It's the last one."

"Are you sure?"

"'Course I'm sure. You made 'em, you should get to have the last of 'em."

Hikari began to lead Toji back out into the hallway to retrieve his shoes. "Well, thank you."

Toji grinned. "No, Class Rep. Thank you. You really saved my ass today." Realising his choice in words were perhaps inappropriate when in the Class Representative's company – especially in her own home – Toji instantly backtracked. "Uh, you were a big help. I can't thank ya enough."

Ignoring his blunder, Hikari smiled, closing her eyes. "Don't thank me. It really was no problem."

Slipping his shoes back on, Toji stood before Hikari at the entrance, slung his bag containing his laptop and stationary over his shoulder effortlessly as if no weight at all had been added, and finally crouched down to retrieve the basketball he had left by his shoes. Now separated by the inches between them, Toji nodded, bowing slightly, "Well… I'll see ya Monday. Thanks for all this."

Even though Hikari had told him there was no need to thank her, he still wanted to express his gratitude – not because it was the polite thing to do, but because it was what he truly needed to express to her. He was thankful, beyond thankful, in fact.

"It's no problem," Hikari repeated. Silence swirled around them for a few brief moments before they both said in almost perfect unison, "Well, goodbye."

Hikari was the first to laugh at their unexpected synchronicity, and Toji soon did the same. He was about to turn around to leave when Hikari called his name out. When he whipped back around at the beckoning of his name, Hikari must have looked like a deer in headlights; she had impulsively called for him because the urge to hug him before it was too late was growing embarrassingly harder to ignore.

 _Hug him, hug him, hug him, just do it_ … she was so sure she felt her brain send the message to her arms to open them and invite him into a goodbye embrace as a sensation tingled within her nerves, but her arms rebelled and refused to respond.

Just standing there, the silence growing more awkward with each second that passed, Hikari rushed out the first thing that came to her mind. "Um… I hope you rest well tonight. Please."

Toji nodded, holding onto his bag to pull it further up his shoulder in order to support it better. "Yes, ma'am. Later."

"Goodbye," Hikari's farewell faded into silence quicker than she had anticipated it would, and Toji's back turned to her once again. Though regret soared through her with as much intensity as the need to hold him had shot through her, Hikari did nothing but watch as Toji walked out of her house and disappeared into the early evening.


	6. Roku

[ **A/N** ] I wanted to upload this chapter last night, but I kept getting one of those pesky errors every time I tried to access my settings, which only seem to happen when I really want to upload or update. Go figure.

This chapter is a quick little 'filler' type I suppose, to fill the gap between the first tutoring session and the next one. I hope it is enjoyed nonetheless!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER SIX**

"You didn't even hug him?"

Warmth radiated from Hikari's cheek as she rested her palm on her face, her phone in the other hand. "I… I wanted to!"

"God, Hikari, what am I gonna do with you, huh?" Asuka tutted down the line. Hikari could almost imagine the look Asuka must have had on her face, one that resembled a disappointed parent.

"I'm sorry!" Hikari wasn't sure if she was apologising to Asuka or herself, but there was something in Asuka's words that compelled her to blurt out a rushed apology.

"How's he ever gonna know how you feel if you don't tell him?" Asuka continued, her tone softer but still stern and authoritative.

"I… I'm not sure," Hikari hung her head down before bouncing back up. "What do you think I should do?"

Hikari valued Asuka's advice, even if sometimes it was delivered in an almost terrifying, strict way, so strict that it beat Hikari's role as the Class Representative by miles. Maybe Hikari just knew Asuka enough to see through the transparency of her words, delivered in harsh colours thinly veiled with care and concern that was invisible to most other people. Asuka and Hikari may have been the same age give or take a few months, but Hikari cherished Asuka and her wisdom like she were an older sister, maybe even a surrogate mother figure given just how mature she could be at times. Asuka never revealed anything about her life before arriving to Japan apart from a few minor details, so Hikari just assumed her best friend's maturity was due to graduating college prematurely and also due to her duties as an Evangelion pilot – a heroine, though Asuka made Hikari aware that 'hero' wasn't a term the pilots liked hearing very much. Not that she was undeserving of the title, just that she thought it was 'cringey'.

So, when Asuka's response came back as, "That's something you need to figure out for yourself", Hikari found herself feeling at a loss for what to do.

"He's very traditional," Hikari informed her. "I don't think he would like it if the girl approached and confessed to him first…" Her heart began to swell and love soared through her body as she thought about him and his attitude towards romance. Asuka called it 'old fashioned', 'chauvinistic', and 'entitled', or something along those lines, and Hikari would have agreed several months ago. She thought the same of Toji for a while, because she would often overhear his conversations with other boys that often involved a lot of degrading remarks usually directed towards women. Lately, she had been hearing less, but her constant scolding probably was the reason why he limited it around her. That, or the incident that almost snatched his sister, the only girl left in his life, from him inspired him to appreciate women a little more. Now, Hikari believed he was actually rather chivalrous – in her imagination, he was always the perfect boyfriend because of it. She would daydream about him wrapping his jacket around her shoulders because it was cold outside, or insisting on paying at their dates, or – most importantly – taking her to a secluded area, perhaps at school, perhaps at sunset, as cherry blossom petals fall as the words she'd always wanted to hear from him pour out of his heart…

"Hikari? Did you hear what I said?"

Hikari blushed as she realised her daydreaming had caused her to lose all concentration and dissociate from their phone conversation. "S-Sorry… could you repeat it?"

Asuka exhaled deeply as she repeated herself, exasperated, "I said, you gotta stop making excuses because it's not going to benefit anyone if you just keep delaying it. You could miss your chance. What if there's an accident tomorrow and he doesn't make it? What if he asks out another girl because he thinks you're not interested? Sometimes you gotta take matters into your own hands and stop waiting for the other person!"

Hikari held back the laughter that threatened to rise as she realised the irony in Asuka's rant. Asuka was doing the exact same thing with Shinji, yet remained oblivious. Not wanting to press that subject, Hikari replied, defeated, "I guess you're right. Maybe I could talk to him tomorrow…"

Both Hikari and Asuka knew that Hikari would get cold feet at the last moment and not do as she said, but it was getting late and the phone call was starting to exceed an hour.

"Do it," Asuka's words were firm and blunt. "I'm gonna go take a shower now, okay?"

Hikari hummed. "Okay! I'll see you Monday."

"You too," Asuka ended the call not long after saying her final sentence. When she pressed the hang up button on her phone, she felt a presence behind her as she lay on her front on a pillow in the living room, the television screen on mute glaring in front of her and empty chip packets surrounding her like a halo.

Before she could turn to face whoever had appeared behind her, a familiar voice asked, "Who was that?"

Asuka peered over her shoulder to see Shinji in his comfy sleeping clothes standing in the doorway, a towel around his shoulders catching stray droplets of water dropping from his hair. There was a faint, inquiring smile on his face that made Asuka almost want to mirror it, but she refrained, resorting to her coping mechanism of hostility instead.

"Why do you wanna know?" Asuka furrowed her eyebrows, and any trace of a smile that was on Shinji's face was dropped immediately.

"You were on the phone for a long time, that's all," Shinji explained, a sense of nervousness creeping into his voice. Instantly he was beginning to regret posing the question in the first place. It may have seemed innocent enough, but he could never be too careful with Asuka.

Asuka loosened her tight shoulders, not even realising how tense her body had become with his entering the room. "I was talking to Hikari." _Who else would I talk to? It's not like I have any other friends,_ Asuka thought and almost added, but instead she continued, "I'm trying to get her to ask her crush out." Asuka wasn't sure why she had revealed that information, especially to Shinji of all people, but figured there was no harm considering how dense he and the other one in their group was (Asuka could never remember his name off the top of her head) – he would never piece together to whom she was referring.

"Oh? I didn't know she liked anyone," Shinji proved Asuka right. Asuka rose to her feet and approached Shinji, playfully flicking him on the forehead (though she must have used more strength than intended since he flinched slightly).

"God, you really are dense," Asuka noted under her breath. _Flicking his forehead with my finger was like banging against a hollow, empty drum with nothing in it_ , Asuka thought, wanting to tease him but something stopped her from saying it, something that actually made her want to refrain from criticising him, no matter how playful or light her criticism was – something about the confused expression on his face that kind of reminded her of a lost puppy.

"Huh?" Shinji honestly hadn't heard what Asuka had said, but Asuka still turned away and folded her arms across her chest.

"Honestly! Isn't it obvious that she likes one of your boneheaded friends?"

Asuka sort of felt guilty – or at least, something similar – like she was betraying Hikari's trust in telling a third party something so confidential, but Asuka also knew that Shinji was hardly a gossip. He never talked about himself, let alone other people – it wasn't like he would spread the word all around the classroom and pin up drawings of their names underneath umbrellas all over the school.

"…Kensuke?" Shinji asked after a pause, his genuine question met with laughter from Asuka. _Oh, yeah, that's what he's called._ Asuka took advantage of the few seconds she laughed as she placed the name Kensuke to the face of the person whose name always escaped her.

"Are you stupid?" Asuka stopped laughing almost as soon as she had started. "Idiot, she likes Toji! It's so obvious! Have you really never noticed the way she makes googly eyes at him?"

"No, I haven't…" Shinji said innocently.

"Anyway, I'm telling you because she's too scared to tell him," Asuka explained.

Not quite understanding – he was still so new to all these situations - Shinji tilted his head in confusion. "So… are you saying I should tell him?"

"What? Of course not! I'm saying we just gotta give them a little push," Asuka moved her hands away from her as if demonstrating a literal push. "And because I know Hikari is never gonna make the first move, then we've gotta get involved. It's the only way."

Shinji couldn't quite comprehend why they needed to get involved in someone else's private affairs; he certainly knew he wouldn't want anyone interfering with his. "So… what do you want me to do?"

"I can only do so much for Hikari," Asuka told him. "You're Toji's friend, aren't you? Don't you know if he likes anyone?"

"I… I don't know," Shinji lowered his head. "We don't really talk about that kind of stuff…"

Asuka sighed. "This is so hopeless. Why don't you know? You need to _start_ knowing!" She paused briefly as if expecting a reply from Shinji, but she interjected to continue anyway, "Looks like I'll have to do all this by myself."

As she walked away towards the bathroom, she uttered under her breath to no one in particular, "God, what does she even see in that idiot anyway?"

* * *

Hikari wrapped a towel around her body, tying a knot at the top to hold it in place. The mirror above the sink became engulfed in cloudy streaks as the warmth from the bath water running down the drain embraced the room. Humming a tune to herself and smiling without even realising, she entered her bedroom just in time to find her phone, left sat on her bed, buzzing.

Curiously, Hikari picked up her phone to find two new message notifications, her heart racing when she saw the name attached above both of them, sent ten minutes apart. Hikari must have missed the first one due to being in the bath.

Flopping down on her bed, she unlocked her phone and read the two messages from _him:_

 _Thanks for today. It really helped. [20:33]_

 _Are you ready for the test this Tuesday? I think I am, but only because of your help. Sleep well. See you again soon. [20:44]_

Hikari wanted to scream with excitement, but self-control led her to only let out a few happy squeaks and mews. There was no mistake that the messages were undoubtedly from Toji, even if she did have to double or triple or quadruple check the sender's name really did say Toji and it wasn't wishful thinking, because they were written in his Kansai dialect, something no one could replicate even if they tried. She could even read it clear in his voice.

Still clad in her towel, not caring about the water droplets dampening the bed sheets beneath her, Hikari promptly got to texting him back.

 _Please, don't thank me! I wanted to help you! Do your best, and remember to sleep well tonight too. I'll see you Monday!_

After spending some time – maybe a while – polishing the text (adding and removing emoticons until she felt they weren't too over the top, as well as trying – and failing – to cut down on exclamation marks), Hikari pressed send. She was about to get off her bed and get dressed when she saw the bubbles pop up, indicating he was typing. With each second that passed, Hikari felt her heart beat faster in anticipation. It wasn't like he was going to be confessing his love in the next message, yet Hikari still couldn't help but wish…

 _D'ya think you could tutor me some more on Monday? Maybe in the library?_

So lost in her thoughts and dreams of him, the slight buzzing of her phone startled her. Instantly, she picked her phone back up, ignoring the fact that she should be getting dressed for bed and not lying on her bed until she was dry enough that the towels had nothing left to absorb. And Kodama would probably be wanting the towel for her bath soon too…

 _That would be great! Let's study together at lunch!_


	7. Nana - Part One

[ **A/N** ] Happy new year, everybody! Thank you for being patient and I hope you all had a great holiday season whatever you may celebrate. I wanted to get this updated before Christmas and Toji's birthday (which was on the 26th) but alas it was proving too difficult to find a point to cut it off. As a result, I have decided to split chapter seven into two halves, with this one being part one of the fuller chapter as there's a lot I have to cover, such as the beginning of the second tutoring session. I want this to be a multi-chaptered story, of course, but I don't know just how long it will be - that's why I am trying my best to condense it and hopefully get it to under twenty chapters. Anyway, I digress; here's my first fanfiction update of 2017!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER SEVEN (PART ONE)**

 _Ping pong._

Hikari pressed the buzzer for the Katsuragi apartment before stepping back from the front door to wait for an answer. She patiently stood with her hands across her lap, staring at the shut door; she only noticed she had been waiting for too long without an answer when she realised she had memorised the number of bricks surrounding the door.

Deciding to try once more, Hikari buzzed again. The hushed silence that encompassed the empty apartment block usually made it easy for Hikari to hear even the most subtle of stirrings within the Katsuragi apartment, but today it seemed as dead as the rest of the complex. Asuka always took a long time to get ready – it was something to which Hikari had to grow accustomed. Thus, she always gave Asuka an optimistic five minutes upon arriving, though Asuka usually surprised her by either answering on the first doorbell or slimming her time down to a record two and a half minutes, with the latter being more likely. The difference this time however was that if Asuka didn't answer, someone else would – usually Shinji, who was always awake at the crack of dawn, or occasionally their guardian, Ms. Katsuragi.

Hikari tried to look under the door to see if any light was escaping through the crack, but it didn't seem likely. _Maybe I'm very early…_ Hikari glanced at her watch and then her phone that she'd neatly tucked into her school bag just to check the times were correct. Sure enough, Hikari was as punctual as ever, and it was the exact time give or take two minutes Asuka and Hikari agreed would be their morning rendezvous point so they could walk to school together.

"There must be an emergency today," Hikari sighed, whispering quietly to herself. Most of the time, Hikari could have a warning from Asuka if she was suddenly going to disappear, but Hikari had to grow more understanding with the arrival of new, powerful creatures that didn't plan their attacks on Tokyo-3 around the pilots' school schedules.

Suddenly, Hikari felt a presence standing behind her – a faint one that almost made Hikari wonder if she was just imagining it. She was about to turn around and head to school alone when a voice exclaimed from behind her, "Well, if it ain't the Class Rep…"

That voice was enough to snatch all the wind from her lungs as she gasped, slightly jumping at the sudden surprise. That voice was the second most familiar thing to Hikari, after her home and her family. That voice was… _his_ …

Taking a deep breath to replace all the ones Toji had taken - _just by standing there,_ a thought in Hikari's mind teased her – Hikari steeled herself, swivelling on her heels to face where the voice had come from. When she looked up, he was much closer than Hikari had thought he was. She could feel the heat radiating from his body – or maybe she was just confusing his warmth with the heat on her own cheeks.

"Suzu…" Hikari began, the shock causing her to revert to a more formal addressing of his surname. She backtracked and started again, "T-Toji…"

Hikari had been so focused on the tall boy in front of her that she only noticed the absence of his slightly shorter, more awkward friend when she nervously tried to divert her gaze to avoid his. She was about to ask where Aida was and why Toji had come alone to walk to school with Shinji, but it seemed Toji had noticed the way Hikari had frantically studied the emptiness beside him as he explained, "Kensuke's got some trip or somethin' like that. Did no one answer?"

"Y-Yes," Hikari blurted out, only realising she had nervously rushed out an answer that hadn't been the correct one. "I mean, no…"

Looking straight ahead at the closed door as if anticipating it to suddenly burst open to reveal both Shinji and Asuka ready for school, Toji commented, "Guess there's some big emergency today."

"But wouldn't we have been evacuated?" Hikari asked, inciting a curious eyebrow raise from Toji. For a moment, maybe two, their eyes met each other's, the warm amber of his melting the colder chocolate brown of hers. She was the first to break the gaze out of embarrassment in an attempt to hide the blush painting her freckles pink, though she could feel his eyes on her even as she stared down at the floor.

"Maybe we didn't get the memo," Toji chuckled, causing Hikari to softly giggle in response. "Now you say that, though, I hope there is some big emergency today, just cus it'd mean the test would be postponed a couple a'days."

"Do you really think our teacher would cancel tomorrow's test?" Hikari asked, a genuine question before she decided to crack a small joke, "I think it would take a lot more than just a potential disaster for him to cancel a test."

Toji laughed at that, causing Hikari to smile. It was funny, how Toji's laugh used to be so loud in the classroom that it would grate on her ears, how she would be the first to press a finger to her lips in an attempt to hush him. His laugh had been booming and boisterous and loud and obnoxious, stealing everyone's attention. Now, it was coming close to being her favourite sound in the world. Knowing she was the reason for his laughter only made her heart swell two times bigger as it pounded and sent love coursing all around her body.

"Yeah, someone could die and he would probably still bring the tests for everyone to do at the funeral, including the dead guy."

Their conversation had taken a morbid turn – but, Hikari realised, it was the best way to cope with the apocalyptic world collapsing around them. Evacuations were a common practice, a routine everyone in the city had memorised like they had memorised their morning or bedtime routines. They had no choice. Since they were living in a warzone, attacks and constant evacuations became the ordinary – in fact, it was considered extraordinary if even just a few days passed without something exploding or another unknown creature arriving from outer space.

Hikari wasn't sure if being friends with Asuka was helpful or hindering, in that before meeting Asuka she had been blissfully unaware of the truth behind the reasons for all the evacuations. Brainwashed by government propaganda, according to Asuka. Being brainwashed almost felt more comfortable than being completely conscious of the world around them, Hikari had wanted to argue, but decided it was better to simply nod and agree acquiescently every time Asuka decided to delve into all the details of what was happening, whether Hikari wanted to know or not.

A heavy silence fell on top of Hikari and Toji after they stopped chuckling at his joke, blanketing them. Determined to cling to every second she had alone with him, Hikari suggested, "Should we head to the shelter, just in case?"

Toji's face crinkled in thought, and it took everything Hikari had in her to not even crack a smile at how adorable he looked. "Nah. Let's just go t'school. They've probably got some testin' to do that they forgot t'tell us about. If we needed t'evacuate, we woulda been evacuated by now."

"Y-Yes, you're right," Hikari wasn't sure why but her voice trembled slightly, as if fearful of potentially having missed an evacuation signal – it was unlikely, considering how she had seen her sisters that morning as well as the fact she had heard no alarms, but the threat was still so tangible nonetheless. That, or the reality that she would be walking to school _alone_ with Toji and nobody else had hit her enough to unnerve her.

As if noticing the subtle wavering in her voice, Toji reassured her, "Don't worry. If anythin' tries t'attack us, I'll protect ya." Hikari didn't have to look at his face to hear the smile, a sincere one, in his voice. She was glad, however, that she did look up, as he flexed his almost-there biceps, a goofy albeit heroic and charming grin on his face.

That time, Hikari didn't attempt to fight or conceal the smile that desperately wanted to surface.

* * *

"See, I told ya there's nothin' t'worry 'bout."

As streets and people came into view, Hikari let out the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. The two had spent the first five or so minutes of their journey to school in complete silence, although it was the first time silence between them felt comfortable rather than awkward. Other than the fear pounding in her chest that somehow they had truly missed a signal to evacuate, Hikari felt protected and easy in his presence. Once the fear had been alleviated and it was confirmed to her that everything was fine, her body relaxed.

Noticing Hikari's discomfort, Toji stopped walking. Hikari continued forward a few steps unaware before she stopped in front of Toji, turning to face him. Even with him standing so close to her, he still managed to tower over her.

"Hey…" Toji's voice was soft, quiet. Different – yet not unfamiliar. "I never thought I'd see the day Class Rep gets scared."

Hikari didn't know why she had expected anything less than a fun, playful dig at her stoic role as the Class Representative, but she also didn't know why her heart had skipped a beat so suddenly that it felt like it was flipping over and somersaulting.

"S-Sorry…" the apology slipped out, causing both Hikari and Toji to contort their faces in confusion.

Instead of questioning it, Toji simply told her, "Don't apologise. I think everyone's a lil scared."

"Even you?"

Toji didn't respond; Hikari didn't expect he would.

"Did Soryu tell ya to meet her?" Toji asked. Hikari had to commend the way he chose to refer to Asuka by her last name and not an improvised insult derived from variants of the words 'female' and 'dog'.

"Yes… why?"

"Do you meet up with her every mornin'?" Toji's eyes twinkled with curiosity. It was growing difficult for Hikari to look away from them and so she stopped trying.

"No, she usually walks alone or with Ikari," Hikari tilted her head, confused as to why Toji was pressing all these questions all of a sudden. Not that she didn't enjoy his attention – she more than enjoyed it – it was just that the questions were seemingly coming from nowhere. "She doesn't like getting to school early like I do. I have a lot of duties to do before class, so…"

Toji hummed, cutting Hikari off mid-sentence. "Shinji told me to walk with him this mornin'. Said he had somethin' to tell me…"

Realisation washed through Hikari's body. Asuka truly was a crafty one. _She must have planned this on purpose, so that we would…_

"On purpose?" Toji echoed, and Hikari's face blanched as she realised she had said what she was thinking out loud. "What d'ya mean?"

Hikari shook her hand frantically. "N-Nothing! Hey, since it's early… would you like to do some studying before school starts? I think we'll be able to get a few things covered if we hurry."

Toji smiled warmly. "Mm. Let's go."

As they turned, somehow their sudden motions led their hands to brush against one another's. The shock of his skin contacting hers sent electricity through Hikari's body, butterflies dancing in her stomach and shivers running up and down her spine.

"I'm sorry!" Hikari blurted out, the redness in her cheeks deepening. She retracted her hand quickly into her lap and glanced to the side. Despite her best efforts to avoid looking at him and meeting his gaze, he still came into her field of vision – and Hikari was sure, certain in fact, that the bright pink in his own cheeks rivalled hers.


	8. Nana - Part Two

[ **A/N** ] Hi everyone, thanks for being so patient and to my new readers, welcome! I apologise that this chapter is short since I know I've been absent for about a month, and my note may be longer than the chapter, haha. I hope that it's not too frustrating however since it is a part two to chapter seven rather than a standalone chapter, and the next one will be longer and hopefully here sooner. As well as a few other things in my life lately, I've been focusing on applying to university and making my application perfect, which paid off as I'm heading to my choice university this September to study Creative Writing! Now that I can breathe and have nothing to worry about anymore, I can completely focus on my fan fictions again.

I also have exciting news about a possible new multi-chaptered AU Toji/Hikari fic that's in the pipelines, but I'm not even going to think about writing it until I've got this one done. We are now aligned with canon (with a few differences of course) - episode 16 to be exact. Which does, unfortunately, mean the sadder half of this story is drawing near.

 **madman:** I would reply to you privately but because you left your review anonymously I can't contact you, but I've been scratching my head for about a month trying to figure out what you want me to do because I really don't know what you're trying to say. I apologise.

Anyway, that's my explanation and again I am very sorry this chapter is a little shorter than normal. Chapter eight is coming soon and it'll be longer, I can assure you. Thanks again for your patience and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER SEVEN (PART TWO)**

 _All residents must evacuate to their designated shelters immediately. Repeat…_

Though the niggling in Hikari's mind that made her believe something wasn't right was confirmed by the emergency announcement, the signal still took her off guard. Something about Toji walking beside her was so soothing, so comforting, that she had almost been reassured that everything was fine. When the alarm rang through the city, Hikari had gasped and jumped while Toji never faltered. If anything, his nerves just became tougher – maybe it was the fact he had a girl with him that heightened his protective side.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath before turning to Hikari in worry. "I-I mean…"

Realising he probably had expected her to scold him for cursing, Hikari shook her head. "It's fine. We should head to the shelter immediately."

"Damn, and I was looking forward to studyin' in the library with ya…" Toji lamented, a sense of sincerity in his frivolity that truly shook Hikari. Something told her that he was only half-joking – something more than just optimism and wishful thinking. She could never understand how he, how _anyone_ , could maintain such a high spirit even in these harsh times of adversity. Perhaps it was because of the adversity, because he had seen the horror of it first hand in almost losing his sister, that he was able to laugh and joke. Hikari was fantastic at remaining calm and collected in these situations – she had to be when she was in charge of just under thirty students – but Toji's ability to poke fun was almost enviable.

 _All residents must evacuate…_

Before the announcement could finish, Hikari felt a strange yet familiar warmth encompass her hand. When she looked down, she saw Toji had wrapped his hand around hers; he squeezed it protectively, and she let her fingers slip through the cracks between his as electricity exploded around her body from her fingertips to her toes. Holding onto her tight, he began to run, leading her into the direction of the shelter.

* * *

The journey to the shelter was a blur Hikari was unable to recall even seconds later. The chattering of civilians around them as they also escaped to the shelter was hushed, the feeling of dread that rose to her throat like bile was eased, all because of the way his fingers intertwined with hers.

When they reached the shelter, Toji let go of Hikari's hand to hold the door open for her. Hikari's cheeks were so flushed that she found it difficult to look into his eyes as she thanked him, walking into the shelter. Instead of the expected coldness she thought would replace his comfort once he'd let go, she could still feel his warmth radiating from her palms as if he had never left.

They made their way to their class' designated area together and Hikari went to separate from him to find her friends when he stopped her, grabbing her arm. She gasped at his contact, prompting him to let go in case the gasp had been negative; part of Hikari was screaming at him to hold onto her again, hold her close to him, and never even _think_ of letting go…

"Hey…" he lowered his voice until he was whispering to her. "Since Kensuke's away and Shinji and" - he searched for a polite way to refer to Asuka – "your friend are kinda busy right now, d'ya… maybe… wanna…?"

Toji swallowed, and Hikari smiled at the euphemism – 'kinda busy' was one way to describe the pilots.

"D'ya wanna sit with me?" he continued, and Hikari's mouth formed a perfect 'o' shape. She was surprised, extremely so. She almost pinched her arm just to check if she wasn't currently living in some sort of dream because it truly did not feel real.

"I…" Hikari began, having to swallow just as hard as he had to make sure the words didn't come out so fast that she would trip over them. Considering how elated she felt, it was a possibility. "I would love to."

Toji took his sneakers off while Hikari set a large cloth – one she always carried just in case of emergencies – over the mat. Hanging his sneakers by his neck, Toji sat down on the cloth, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling as the whirring of machines almost deafened everyone in the entire shelter, indicating the evacuation process had well and truly begun.

How long they would spend in the shelter no one could ever be sure. Some days they spent hours, some days they spent just a few minutes – but, the way it had been the past few attacks, spending an entire day in the shelter was becoming ordinary, if not expected. Hikari never admitted to anyone how spending more than just a few hours in the shelter unnerved her, yet this time she somehow couldn't help but feel almost excited about spending hours with Toji. Even if the explosions were so close it shook the entire shelter, even if she could hear every tiny thing happening outside – somehow, it would be alright, because he was there. Even if the world crashed around her…

"Hikari," Toji's soft way of saying her name both startled and comforted her. "Sit down." He pat the empty spot next to him, one Hikari had always thought would never be reserved for her.

Hikari tilted her head in confusion only to realise she was still standing up – not only that, but she had also been anxiously pacing up and down, Toji informed her.

"O-Oh…" was all she could say.

"You're worried," he stated bluntly. Hikari didn't say anything, and so he continued. "Soryu's gonna come burstin' into class tomorrow as if this wasn't happenin', like she always does." The way he spoke to her made her desperately want to believe him.

"But… what if she doesn't?" Hikari's words trembled as her body shook just the same. She squeezed her eyes shut – she refused to cry, not in front of him. She had kept it all bottled inside, her fear, her constant worry that the friend she had made so suddenly would be snatched away from her just as abruptly.

"She will," Toji lay back, resting his head on his arms as he spoke to her. "She's done it plenty a'times before."

"How do you know?" Hikari tried to whisper, her voice cracking as her pent up trepidations flooded through all at once.

"Cus I do," Toji smiled.

"Don't you worry?" Hikari asked as soon as he had finished his sentence. He sat up again and looked straight at her, pleading for her to continue. "About Ikari."

"Course I do, all the time," Toji admitted after a short silence. "But I know it's gonna be fine and he's gonna come back alright. He always does."

His fingers crawled between the small void of mat separating the two before finding her hand. She instinctively pulled her hand away, startling him, but soon allowed him to take her hand again and lace his fingers through hers as they sat together.

"So stop worryin'," he looked into her eyes so deeply Hikari wasn't sure how he wasn't swallowed up by her gaze that twinkled and sparkled when focusing on him. She knew that Toji was probably holding her hand to reassure her, to calm her down – he didn't know that it was a moment she would cherish and relive for as long as she lived.

Something – no, she knew exactly what it was: it was his kindness, his firm hold on her, the way his warmth melted into her just by smiling at her – compelled her to shuffle closer to him, closing the distance between their bodies as she closed her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't expect him to react – if anything, she had expected him to push her away – but her heart bounced out of her chest and up into her throat when he tilted his own head, leaning against hers. He stroked her fingers and she hummed, losing herself in nothing but him.

The only sounds Hikari could hear were the sound of her blood and her heartbeat pulsing loudly in her ears, swishing through her body as he burned every single light inside of her, and the sound of his breathing, controlled and rhythmic. Everyone else's conversations were silenced, everyone's presence shut out, mirroring the way Hikari's fear fell from her body and mind. She could have dropped her shoulders and relax her body because of how weightless she suddenly felt, even with his weight resting against her.

"Hey," his voice caused her to open her eyes and look up to him; she was surprised to find him gazing at her, his smile never budging. It had been there since the very first moment she saw him that morning – no, the very first moment she met him, even if she had never noticed it before. Hikari would never understand why, because his smile was so bright it almost blinded her now – and yet, she risked it, because his smile was just too irresistible, too hard to divert her eyes away from. "I know what'll get yer mind off all this."

"What's that?"

He took his hand from hers, the sudden movement causing Hikari's head to slip from his shoulders. He smiled apologetically at her before reaching into his bag, producing a textbook and a few snacks he'd managed to get from the convenience store before heading to Shinji's apartment. Hikari's eyes widened and she smiled, hardly believing anything the boy sat so close to her had done all morning.

"Some studyin'."


	9. Hachi

[ **A/N** ] Hi everyone! Here's chapter eight, which I hope you will enjoy!

I was debating whether or not to implement the big kiss (because we all love a kissing scene in a romance, right?) into this scene, but decided against it when considering the pacing so far. I hope a slow build isn't too frustrating, especially since we are nearing the end that will unite our favourite background couple. Without further ado, here's chapter eight!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

Hikari's eyes fluttered open, her nose crinkling as she emitted a small yet satisfied hum. It took her a few moments to register not only the fact that her vision was horizontal, as if she were lying on her side, but the fact there was a warmth encompassing her, a pleasant one, pulsing mainly against her cheeks. This wouldn't have been anything out of the ordinary if the heat was radiating from her cheeks – instead, the heat was external, coming from somewhere else.

She curiously lifted her head and looked up through her lashes at a defined, chiselled jawline, someone's features painted with tanned, olive skin… Hikari gasped, her breath lodging in her throat, her heart stopping in her chest when she realised just whose lap she had been using as a pillow.

Brown eyes met hers as Toji said quietly, "Rise and shine." He smiled, rendering it impossible for a smile to not trace Hikari's lips in return.

Hikari sat up, rubbing her eyes sleepily, feeling something hit her legs; she turned at the foreign feeling, noticing that something had been covering her like a blanket. Through the corner of her eye, Hikari could see Toji's arms were bare, exposed by the white vest he wore underneath his tracksuit, and pieced together that Toji had used his jacket as an impromptu blanket for her while she slept in his lap.

As if noticing her confusion, Toji remarked, "I put my jacket over your legs, so that…" he cleared his throat, looking away from her, slightly embarrassed. Realising he had done it as a means of covering her modesty, Hikari blanched, not sure where to look. Her gaze bounced to what Toji was holding in his hand. It appeared to be an open textbook.

"Did… did I sleep long?" Hikari muttered, her voice still laced with sleep. Toji smiled at her and closed the book, placing it down next to him.

"Only a couple a' hours."

" _Only_?" Hikari repeated, not quite sharing his interpretation of multiple hours being 'only' a few hours. He chuckled before smiling at Hikari, the pink of his tongue cheekily poking through his teeth. Hikari immediately softened, relaxing muscles and parts of her body she didn't even realise had tensed. She gestured to the book with her eyes, asking, "Did you do some studying while I was asleep?"

Toji nodded. "Mmm."

Hikari hung her head, almost guilty. "I'm sorry." He seemed confused at her sudden, perhaps even misplaced apology, but she continued anyway, "I don't remember falling asleep…"

"You were out pretty quick," Toji informed her, his smile so warm it was melting Hikari just gazing at it. He lowered his voice, sounding somewhat remorseful, perhaps even as guilty as Hikari had sounded, as he continued, "I… you had yer head on the cold mat. I couldn't get a pillow or a blanket in time, so… I hope it's okay that…"

He quickly glanced down at his lap then looked back to Hikari, who smiled softly and sweetly, understanding that Toji had willingly placed her head onto his lap rather than her embarrassing herself by invading his space and succumbing to lethargy by falling asleep on him – his lap, no less. It was so _intimate_ , so _wrong_ … no, a voice in Hikari's head told her, that it couldn't be wrong if it felt right, if he had lifted her head and placed it on his lap because it was a favourable option, much more preferable than the floor. He thought of her comfort, her wellbeing – and he even thought to cover her legs with his jacket because oh, he was just _so_ chivalrous, so thoughtful, so kind, so _dreamy…_

"Hikari?" Toji's voice popped Hikari's bubble and she looked up at him with wide, surprised eyes.

"Y-Yes?"

He smirked. "For someone whose responsibility is to chastise ev'ryone for not listenin'… you sure don't hear what people say a lot, huh?"

Hikari's cheeks flushed, the colour red swarming, invading her features. She leant back on her palms, holding her head up to the ceiling and letting the cool air from the shelter swirl around her and blow on her face until the heat disappeared.

"I just have a lot on my mind…" Hikari explained before the words even sprung to mind, and Toji watched her curiously, inquiring with his eyes rather than his words. Hikari shook her head, answering a question he never asked, "No… it's nothing."

Toji sat back with her, looking up at the ceiling that had seemingly grabbed her attention so much. "Is it Soryu?"

The sound of Asuka's name surprised and confused Hikari, and she hummed quizzically, prompting him to continue, "I mean, are ya still worried about Soryu?"

Realising he was trying to ask what was weighing down on her thoughts so much, Hikari smiled as sincerely as she could. "N-No… I mean, of course I am, but…"

"Not as much as earlier?" Toji finished her sentence, and Hikari nodded. Toji smiled. "I'm glad."

Toji didn't give her enough time to blush when he pushed on with the conversation. "So… what's on yer mind? It's not the test is it? Cus we all know yer gonna be fine, no matter what…"

Hikari shook her head.

Taking her silence as his answer, Toji sighed, "You don't gotta tell me. Sorry for pushin'."

"N-No, it's okay…" Hikari's voice was no louder than a whisper and, judging by the fact he didn't respond, Hikari assumed she had spoken too quietly for him to even hear her, especially over the bustle of other evacuees, a noise she could no longer drown out if Toji wasn't talking to her.

Toji stood up, dusting his hands against his tracksuit pants.

"…Where are you going?" Hikari asked when he had started to walk away. Had she done or said something wrong? A thousand thoughts whirled around in her head just as fast as her heart was beating.

"Just goin' to the bathroom," Toji didn't give her time to speak, instead walking off. With his back now turned to her, he didn't know how her eyes followed him across the room until he had disappeared out of her sight, never daring to look away or at anyone else. He completely engulfed and enveloped her vision.

Hikari let out a sigh and held the jacket in her arms, feeling its satin texture on her fingers. She didn't know why she was holding it, especially why she was holding it so close to her cheeks, and she didn't know why the smallest, vaguest whiff of whatever deodorant or detergent clung to the jacket made her heart race.

It smelled so much like _him_ , a familiar scent she could never describe, at least never in words, but would always be able to point out from a crowd of others. An aroma completely individual to him, a fragrance that belonged to him just as much as his family name. It was so irrevocably, unmistakably, eternally _his._

"Toji…" his name didn't just roll off her tongue, nor tumble out of her lips; it was laced in her breath, a part of her just as much as his scent was a part of him.

* * *

 _You have no new messages._

Hikari had lost count of how many times she had tried to call Asuka, her heart pumping in her throat to the point of nausea every time the phone rang. Even when she had clasped her hand so tight that the anxious sweat from her palms coated her phone, she still constantly checked her voicemail _just in case_ Asuka had called and Hikari had missed it. Maybe the connection was just bad – the signal wasn't exactly the best in the shelter. Maybe the evacuation process was wrapping up and Asuka had just completed another successful mission, but it was taking a little while for the message that it was safe to leave reached the shelter. She swallowed hard, resisting the water that threatened to fill in her eyes.

Hikari shifted in her seat, catching Toji's attention as he looked to her through the corner of his eye. He stared at her secretly for a few seconds, trying to figure out if the way she was trembling slightly was his imagination or not.

"You're really scared, huh…" his question was more a statement; it was obvious she was terrified. Deep down, Toji was just as terrified. The dread that Shinji would never return alive, or the dread that _no one_ Toji knew would ever return alive… he was just better at hiding his fear. Hikari looked up to him with clouded, glossy eyes. Part of Toji wanted to hold her cheeks, to wipe her eyes, to…

To squish the flesh underneath his palm…

Before Toji could have stopped himself, Toji's hand was resting on Hikari's cheek, a lone teardrop rolling down and landing on his finger like a butterfly, so fragile and delicate. It was impossible to tell whether the heat was coming from Toji's palm or Hikari's cheeks underneath it – perhaps the warmth was a combination of the two, difficult to decide where whose heat began and where either ended.

Hikari didn't speak. She didn't have to. Instead, she fell into Toji's arms, accepting and welcoming his embrace. He didn't have to speak either. His presence alone was soothing and extinguishing every fear that had wracked her body the past few hours.

He rested his chin atop her head, burying it in her silky, brunette hair. Hikari began to shake and tremble as she sobbed, prompting Toji to wrap his arms around her shoulders tighter. He pulled her in closer to her, whispering into her scalp, "I'm here."

He didn't have to say anything else or anything more. That was enough – that was all Hikari needed. If he did say anything more, Hikari could never be sure, because soon she was engulfed by darkness.

* * *

The cold night air hit Hikari's cheeks, biting her skin harshly. Her eyelids fluttered open, her vision fuzzy for just a few seconds before everything became clear. Instead of waking up to find a horizontal view, this time her view was vertical, albeit higher up.

The same curiosity as the first time she awoke after a short nap compelled Hikari to look down, feeling her body rise up and down slightly, resembling the motions of walking, or… _riding…_

Hikari's arms were wrapped around Toji's neck, his jacket now slung across her shoulders, her only protection from the night air. The only heat burning her skin were his hands holding onto her legs to keep her stable on his back; she started to blush, realising how he was touching her, holding her, his palms hot enough to scold and burn right through her flesh.

Feeling a slight shift on his back as well as a differing rhythm of breathing that tickled behind his ear, Toji slowed down before stopping completely, still holding onto Hikari's legs. "Rise and shine."

Hikari gasped, taking the opportunity to jump off his back. She teetered and stumbled a bit, but managed to regain her balance and stand up. Toji turned to face her, watching as she tried to return his jacket to him. "No," his tone was stubborn, firm – almost rivalling Hikari's tone that she had perfected in her years of being the Class Representative. "It's cold t'night."

Hikari simply nodded, her lips slightly parted as she tied the sleeves around her collar, wearing his jacket like a cape. She walked beside him, the only light coming from flickering, dying lampposts and the moon high up in the night sky, illuminating their forms and breaking through Toji's quiff.

"Didn't ya get enough sleep last night?" Toji inquired, a bounce in his voice like playful teasing. Hikari was used to reprimanding Toji for his sleeping routine, not the other way round; still, she couldn't fight the smile that made its way across her lips.

"I don't know what's been wrong with me today," Hikari admitted. Toji stopped walking momentarily to look back to her and smile for just a few brief seconds that were long enough to snatch every single one of Hikari's emotions, slipping his hands into his pockets as he continued walking ahead, his broad shoulders and arms lightly brushing against Hikari's.

"You fell asleep when we got the all clear and told we could go home," Toji informed her, though she hadn't quite asked for an explanation. "You're a real heavy sleeper, y'know." As much as Hikari liked a lot of aspects about the boy in front of her, part of her hated the way he could flutter her heart just by being so mischievous. No, part of her _wanted_ to hate that – it was impossible. She couldn't hate him even if she tried – and she had tried, multiple times. It was only through Asuka's prodding that Hikari began to come to terms with her feelings.

"I couldn't wake ya up," Toji continued. Hikari didn't need to look at him to hear the vibrant smile on his face. "But it's gettin' late, and I needed t'get ya home safe."

The word 'safe' made Hikari shiver. She realised it was because it was a reminder of Asuka and her dangerous vocation as an Evangelion pilot. "Safe… is… is everyone okay?"

The silence between them felt like an eternity, Hikari only relaxing when Toji told her, "Everything's okay. And I have the best news."

Hikari's ears pricked up. "What's that?"

"The test tomorrow…" Toji took a breath, and Hikari thought of ways she thought would suitably end the sentence. 'Has been cancelled' was the most prevalent ending in her mind – it was certainly what she reckoned Toji would most likely consider to be 'the best news'.

"…It's still goin' ahead." Hikari wasn't sure whether she wanted to burst into laughter or not. "And I'm glad, cus I got so much studyin' done while you were snoozin'…"

Hikari nudged his arm playfully, laughter somersaulting from her lips. As if contagious to hear such a serious person laugh, Toji couldn't help but erupt with laughter with her until it became their lingua franca.


	10. Kyuu

[ **A/N** ] First and foremost, I sincerely apologise for not updating in a few weeks. I needed to take a short break from this and started writing a new fanfic for another fandom in the hopes that I would find the love and passion for this fic that I had in the first few months. I don't want to upload chapters that are, to me, sub-par or not up to a standard I'm happy with, but I feel that the quality was starting to slip and I knew what I needed was a hiatus to clear my mind and fall back in love with this fic. So, in conclusion... I hope this chapter was worth the wait and, most of all, I hope that updates will be more frequent from now on because we are reaching the climax and I am determinated to bring Toji and Hikari the happy ending they deserve. There will be some problems along the way, starting from the next chapter, as we delve into canon, but I can assure you that it, too, shall pass. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Thank you for the support and most of all thank you for being so patient with me. I appreciate every single reviewer, follower, and favouriter (is that a word?).

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER NINE**

"Aida… another good effort. Ayanami, your test scores are improving…"

The teacher ambled around the classroom, in no rush to hand out the pile of paper in his hand. His pace was agonising the students, who just wanted to know if they had done enough to pass. Even Hikari found herself shifting in her seat, and Asuka noticed.

Swinging on her seat to lean in closer to Hikari, Asuka assured her, "You shouldn't be so worried. You know you're gonna do great like you always do." A sense of jealousy almost leaked into her words and Asuka instantly went to mop it up, "Of course, maybe not as great as me, but… you'll be fine."

Hikari smiled, but it did nothing to comfort her. It wasn't herself that Hikari was worrying about. She nervously glanced over at Toji, watching how he tapped his fingers against his desk impatiently.

"Horaki. Well done, as usual."

Hikari snapped her head back to the front to see the teacher handing her test paper back to her, slipping it onto the desk. The class population was dwindling so quickly that it didn't take long for Hikari to receive her paper back. She looked down at her test paper, a bright red 100 written large in the corner. After seeing it so many times, it was admittedly growing more difficult to feign surprise. Still, it never managed to manifest as arrogance – maybe something more along the lines of indifference. Perhaps that was why other girls commended her on being so humble. She truly saw no reason to brag.

Asuka looked over Hikari's shoulder. "Hey, what'd you get?" The sudden sound of her voice, one that could hardly account for an 'indoor' voice even when she was whispering, caused Hikari to jump, clenching the paper. Hikari didn't need to provide an answer however, as Asuka had already seen the result. "See, what were you so worried about?"

Hikari opened her mouth to speak, but Asuka interrupted her with a gasp, recognising why Hikari was so troubled about something to which she usually barely even battered an eyelash. "You were worried about him."

Hikari was so thankful for Asuka finally discovering how to whisper that a relieved sigh escaped her lips.

"Soryu…"

When Asuka looked back to the front, her vision was filled with the teacher's frown, then a white piece of paper shoved into her face, the only colour a splash of red ink forming a two digit number that not even Asuka could find reasons to boast about it. Instantly getting defensive, Asuka's eyebrows knitted together in fury as she tried to negotiate in a voice that boomed around the classroom, "Hey! Are you sure you marked this correctly? Did you forget to put your glasses on?" Hikari usually winced when Asuka was rude, particularly to elders, but all she could focus on was the way Toji slumped his fist against his check, his eyelids heavy as he lazily watched the commotion. Hikari flashed him a sad smile, somewhat guilty that her best friend was selfishly delaying him from receiving results that may not have been important to her, but they were important to him.

The teacher sighed, walking away. Asuka continued to yell, but the teacher had become so accustomed to Asuka's outbursts and constant need to defend herself that he had figured the best tactic to deal with it was to simply leave and ignore her. She would get bored eventually if she wasn't receiving any attention. Asuka shrugged, huffing. Hikari steeled when Asuka turned around again, opening her mouth to continue complaining to Hikari, but she was stopped by the teacher's voice.

"Suzuhara…"

Hikari sucked in the air sharply, holding it as she watched the teacher pass the paper to an unusually receptive Toji. Hikari swore she saw a glimpse of optimism flash past Toji's features. It was a healthy change from the way he looked at her when he told her how close he was coming to failing, a change that was bringing Hikari more pride than full marks on any test ever could.

"You did well. Keep it up."

The corners of Toji's lips rose, forming a smile that Hikari found herself replicating. She let out the breath she had held for so long, the air returning to her lungs as the pressure, the fear, that had been weighing down on her shoulders was lifted. She couldn't read the score from her desk, but the twinkling in his eyes was all she needed to be assured, the smile on his face confirming all the colour had come back, chasing away the dark grey that had hung like a cloud over Toji for longer than Hikari was comfortable with. Feeling her gaze, Toji looked over at Hikari, who blanched the moment their eyes met. However, while she would usually get so embarrassed she would divert her gaze and pretend she was never staring, she found herself looking at him long enough that he gave her a thumbs up, a simple gesture with a plethora of gratitude embedded within it.

* * *

Toji leaned over the railings, looking out at the sunset that painted the evening sky orange. A cool breeze blew through his hair, passing by his cheek like a gentle whisper. Hikari knew she would find him here at the end of the school day, on the rooftop. She hadn't anticipated finding him alone, but that was more helpful than hindering as she slowly approached him. He had his back turned to her and didn't seem to sense her creeping up behind him, so she decided to speak as to not startle him suddenly. "You can go home now you've done all your duties, you know…"

Toji let out a soft, breathy chuckle before turning, snaking his arms through the railing as he leaned his back against them. He looked so radiant, illuminated by the dull light of dusk, his olive complexion deep and captivating. Hikari's breath hitched as she ogled him, finding it hard to believe he could ever manage to look even more beautiful than Hikari already viewed him as. Something was different about Toji. Hikari had noticed it all day. His laugh was louder, his wisecracks wittier and more playful than ever. He was back to teasing Asuka, even if it was akin to waving a red flag in front of a bull. His energy brightened the entire room. Even the way he was smirking at Hikari then reminded her of the moment it dawned on her that she was in love with his smile – no, his entirety. He was Toji again.

"I can't thank you enough," Toji remarked bluntly, Hikari gasping quietly at the sudden surprise of his voice cutting through the silence carried by the evening air swirling around them. "I'm goin' to the hospital soon, to tell Sakura."

Hikari's heart ballooned in her chest. The way Toji's whole body lit up whenever he said his little sister's name was what had gravitated Hikari to him in the first place, and it was no different now. He was still pulling her towards him like a magnet, and she was failing to resist his attraction as she stepped forward, just less than a few centimetres separating their feet.

"I'm so glad," Hikari beamed. "What score did you get?"

"Seventy," Toji's voice bounced, and he spoke so promptly that it almost seemed to Hikari that he had been so proud he had the number memorised, engraved in his mind forever. "So I just about scraped a B. It's not exactly Class Rep grades, but…"

Hikari shook her head. In just a few words, the flame she had seen growing in Toji again being blown by a gust of wind – and she was not prepared to lose the flame to embers. "That's an amazing score. I'm so happy. You must be so proud."

Toji shrugged. "It's alright, I guess."

Hikari giggled, something she was sure she had never done around him, if ever in her life. "Come on. You don't need to be modest around me."

"Well… I guess it's pretty great, huh?"

Hikari smiled, prompting him to continue, "But I wouldn'ta been able to do it without ya. I owe you one."

"Don't be silly," Hikari couldn't fight the blush spreading across her cheeks, her eyelashes fluttering coquettishly (whether she was conscious of this or not) as she urged, "You don't owe me anything."

"Don't I?" Toji raised an eyebrow curiously. "Well… I wanna at least do somethin' more than just thank ya."

Hikari tilted her head slightly, her vision filling with Toji inching closer to her, soon so close the tips of their toes were touching, only a breath or two between their lips. Her heart started to race and lodge in her throat, slamming itself against her ribcage with excitement when he closed his eyes, holding a hand out to place it on her cheek. He lifted her head slightly so that they would be level with one another, alleviating the problem of their height difference as he leaned so close to her that his breath was tickling her lips. He closed the gap that had separated them, a cold rush washing through Hikari's system the moment Toji's lips brushed against hers for a second, only a second, and she fluttered her eyes shut. The chill that had invaded her body rippled out, and it was instantly substituted with a fire burning when her lips met his.

She tingled, pressing her lips against his to return the kiss. It was everything she had ever imagined and more. She had expected his lips would be soft, but not _that_ soft; she also hadn't expected his lips to be accompanied by a taste that was so irrevocably _him._ Unsure of where to put her hands, she momentarily resisted the compulsion to throw her arms around his neck to embrace him out of shyness only to tell herself that he was _kissing_ her – she had nothing to lose now. Giving in to her desires, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer to her. She hadn't expected it would deepen the kiss, but she certainly wasn't going to complain. She could feel his body against hers, emitting a scorching heat – or maybe that was her. Maybe their spirits had melded together and Hikari was finding it difficult to distinguish between whose heat was whose. She'd heard of the phrase 'becoming one', read it in so many romance novels that it become a cliché she would roll her eyes at whenever she came across it. Now, she finally understood it. Now, she knew what it was like to have two lives, two separate entities, two beings completely entangled that nobody, not even the two in question, could tell where one began and the other ended.

Hikari couldn't help herself as she smiled into the kiss, and she was sure she felt the same smile being pressed against her lips by Toji. It was a dream from which Hikari hoped she never had to wake up. Toji's hand was so hot on her cheek that it was setting her ablaze, and Hikari shuddered as he moved his lips against hers.

In that moment, nothing mattered, nothing but her and him, nothing but the clacking of their lips as they collided, _nothing._ The world was quite literally collapsing around them, and Tokyo-3 was constantly teetering on the verge of destruction, see-sawing between serenity and destruction with each arrival of a new Angel enemy.

And yet…

None of that would ever change the fact Hikari was holding onto Toji Suzuhara, his lips attached to hers. And _he_ had initiated the kiss! _He_ wanted to kiss _her_! Hikari wondered if he ever lost himself in dazes, dreaming of what it felt like to kiss her just like she always fantasised about him. She was so giddy, so drunk on the taste of his lips that it was making her dizzy and delirious. Nothing could tear them away from one another. _Nothing would come between them._

…Right?


	11. Juu

[ **A/N** ] Thank you so much everyone for being patient. I am sorry for the delay because I have moved to another fandom, but I really love this story and Tojikari and I want to keep it going because we're _so_ close to the ending. Thank you again for waiting. It truly means a lot to me.

 **Cris:** Since you left such a lovely review on anon, I really wanted to reply to you. I'm so glad you like it! I remember when I realised how much I shipped this pairing but when I went to search for fanart and fics I was really disappointed at the lack of Tojikari in the fandom. I guess it's to be expected since it is such a minor pairing, but it's so beautiful and tragic and honestly I think a really magnificent and underappreciated part of Evangelion. The world is falling apart around them, and all Hikari is concerned with is eating lunch with her crush. It's truly sweet and heartwarming. So, when I realised it was unlikely more Tojikari fics would come, I decided to write my own. I really want to continue writing for Tojikari and I am still considering my other plots, even though I have switched to another fandom (it's impossible for me to settle in just one and I always move around, oops).

I hope this longer than usual chapter makes up for the wait, and I will try my best to post the next part within the next few weeks. Thanks for reading and being so patient with me!

* * *

 **MADE A GIRL CRY**

 **CHAPTER TEN**

"So, why do you wanna eat outside again?"

The afternoon sun beat against Hikari's face, bringing out the constellation of freckles adorning her cheeks as she leaned back on her hands. "It's just so nice out today. It would be a shame to stay cooped up inside the classroom."

Asuka studied the expression crossing Hikari's face, but soon accepted defeat when she realised Hikari wasn't letting up on her ambiguity.

Hikari rested her lunchbox on her lap, clasping her hands together as she continued, "Well, let's eat."

Asuka's lunch remained untouched as she watched Hikari through the corner of her eye, observing as the sun turned the chocolate in Hikari's irises into a warmer honey colour. The gleam and the bright smile tugging at the corners of Hikari's lips suited her. Her features were softer, different from the rigidness Hikari's role as the Class Representative often brought to her. Asuka just couldn't quite put a finger on _why_ Hikari was shining. She could guess and assume, but, being Asuka, she wanted to prod Hikari and force it out of her.

Noticing Asuka wasn't joining her in eating her lunch, Hikari cocked her head to the side in confusion and inquired quizzically, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Asuka started to laugh, defiant that she would crack her best friend open in a matter of mere seconds. "You just seem really happy today."

Hikari rose a hand to her cheek, blanching when she realised she was holding the same cheek Toji had touched when kissing her the previous evening. Memories of his palm burning against her face returned to her immediately. She looked down at her lap through her eyelashes, embarrassed, "Do I?"

Asuka smirked. "It's Suzuhara, isn't it?"

Hikari's breath hitched in her throat and she shook her head vehemently. "N-No! Of course not!"

The blush tinting Hikari's cheeks a rosy pink told Asuka otherwise and she grinned, finally deciphering the ambiguous expression Hikari had been sporting all morning.

"Oh, come on," Asuka nudged Hikari's arm, the contact startling Hikari enough to let out an accidental gasp. "The only time you go all googly eyed is because of that hot-headed idiot."

Hikari was able to brush off Asuka's insulting of Toji, simply smiling as she remained lost in her daze. The memory of kissing Toji, her very first kiss ever, resembled almost every other fantasy Hikari had seen in daydreams. The only difference was that, on this occasion, Hikari could still feel her lips tingling, his warmth still wrapping around her like a blanket. His touch still lingered hours after they had parted, breaking the kiss with a mutual smile. Traces of him still remained all over Hikari, even in places where he had left untouched on her, and she hoped his presence would never fade away for as long as she lived.

Asuka waved her hand impatiently in front of Hikari's face. Hikari flinched, snapping out of the memory in which she had been so blissfully trapped, and tried to maintain that Toji was not the reason for the sunshine in Hikari's smile, "It's not about him, I swear!"

Both Hikari and Asuka knew she was lying.

It was obvious. Hikari was being more transparent than ever now, and Asuka saw right through her.

Deciding there was no use in hiding it from her best friend, Hikari spilled out all the emotions she had kept locked inside her heart, "Yesterday, after school… I found Toji on the rooftop."

She looked up to face the rooftop, prompting Asuka to do the same as she continued sharing the memory, the pictures playing out and dancing in her head, "We talked for a little while, and then… the next thing I knew, he was kissing me…"

As Hikari's face flushed into a bright red colour, Asuka's eyes widened.

Asuka couldn't help herself and she pretended to gag. "Yuck! Please tell me you threw up, or at least washed your mouth out with soap afterwards…"

Hikari chuckled, placing a hand over her chest to feel her heart pounding as she recapped the story that was starting to resemble a fairytale the more Hikari thought about it. In that moment, she had truly felt like a princess, Toji her prince charming in a tracksuit. It wasn't quite the shining armour Hikari had always envisioned, but she found the satin of his sweatpants and the musky scent of his cologne clinging to the fabric was worlds better than anything she could have imagined. His Osakan accent, while far from royal, was slowly becoming her favourite song.

"When I kissed Shinji, I had to gargle almost a whole bottle of mouthwash just to wash out the taste," Asuka's loud voice brought Hikari back to reality – as much as it begrudged her to return there. "I don't get how you can sit there so dazed and love-struck after experiencing something so traumatic."

"Maybe that's where you and I differ," Hikari smiled. Nothing could faze her. Nothing could rip Hikari away from Toji… not even Asuka's disbelief that she had not only kissed Toji Suzuhara, but enjoyed it. No, 'enjoyed' was an understatement. Hikari was basking in the moment her lips had met Toji's, wallowing in it until she was soaked, feeling nothing but Toji's lips on hers. The kiss may have only lasted a few short moments, but Hikari was adamant and determined she would hold onto it for an eternity.

Asuka twisted her mouth as she tried to search for a retort but, amazingly for her, nothing was coming out. Even if she did continue expressing her disgust, Hikari would only brush it off somehow. Besides, Asuka had to admit she was happy, seeing her best friend brimming with joy.

Finally, Asuka responded. "You know what this means though, right?"

Hikari pursed her lips. "What?"

A devious glint in Asuka's eyes caught Hikari's attention and, before Hikari could even breathe let alone protest, Asuka grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her up. Hikari's lunchbox fell from her lap, spilling its contents all over the bench and splattering on the courtyard, but Asuka hardly cared. To tell the truth, Hikari was starting to forget to care as well.

* * *

Asuka brought Hikari to the door leading to Class 2-A, releasing her tight grip on Hikari's wrist as she stared up at it from the hallway.

Out of breath from being dragged back into the building, Hikari panted, "W-Why are we here?"

Asuka turned to her, placing her hands on her hips confidently. "Because you're gonna tell Suzuhara how you feel, once and for all."

"W-What?" Hikari spluttered, almost choking on the air trapped in her throat as she stared at Asuka incredulously, her eyes wide and darting around the hallway. "I can't do that! Not now! Not in public!"

Hikari was struggling to push the words out, too flustered to string together fuller, more coherent sentences. Asuka tutted, accepting a compromise, "Fine. But you have to tell him after school. Deal?"

"But…" Hikari tried to protest, hanging her head as she whispered sadly, "But what if he doesn't like me back?"

Resignation flashed across Hikari's features and Asuka almost felt sympathetic. _Almost._ She was growing exhausted at witnessing Hikari tip-toeing around Toji and her blatant feelings for him.

Asuka lowered her voice, speaking as quietly as she could muster, "Of course he likes you back. Trust me, he wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't. Besides, if he rejected you…" Asuka silently raised her fist, and Hikari nodded in understanding, a smile creeping across her lips.

"Thanks, Asuka," Hikari said with sincerity. Asuka offered a quick smile in return before sliding the classroom door open and pushing a reluctant Hikari inside.

Naturally albeit absent-mindedly, Hikari scoured the classroom, finding it devoid of not only both Shinji and Kensuke, but Toji as well.

"Hey, Asuka?"

Asuka hummed in response, flicking her hair as she turned to where Hikari was staring to find three empty desks.

"Where do you think they are?"

As if summoned, Shinji and Kensuke entered the room together, instantly acknowledging the confusion on the two girls' faces.

Asuka noticed the two boys first, declaring, "Oh, here's two of the three stooges now."

Hikari turned to the door, watching as Shinji and Kensuke returned to their desks. She couldn't help the tiny ounce of disappointment that sunk down in the pit of her stomach when she realised Toji was not with either of them.

Unable to stop herself, worry nestling inside her system as she inquired, "Where's Toji?"

Kensuke raised an eyebrow at the sound of Hikari referring to Toji by his first name, but Shinji interrupted before Kensuke could question it.

"He was called to the principal's office," Shinji explained, looking around the classroom just as Hikari had done to find him still absent. "I guess he's not come back yet."

Hikari and Asuka shot a similar look at one another, one that Hikari intended to express concern, while Asuka was more so portraying confusion. Asuka shrugged, unsure of why Toji could have been beckoned to the principal's office.

"Do you know why?" Hikari found herself asking, trying to ignore the way Kensuke was glaring at her as if he was trying to piece together why she was suddenly becoming so involved in Toji's life. Hikari quickly added, "J-Just because I'm the Class Representative, and need to know things like that."

Kensuke shrugged. "Beats me."

He glanced over at Shinji, who shook his head. "I don't know either. Sorry."

Hikari nodded, finely combing through her memory as she tried to remember if Toji had done anything troublesome in the past few days. Nothing in particular sprung to mind, although maybe he had and she had just forgotten, the memory of any such incident potentially scattered in between his smile, so soft and delicate, his eyes, so expressive and beautiful, his accent, so grating and yet so melodious, _his lips…_

Hikari shook her head to combat the blush threatening to light up her cheeks, surprising the two boys who stared at her, then at one another, before deciding they didn't want to pry. At least, they didn't want to pry into Hikari's affairs, lest she bit their hands off for even daring. Kensuke and Shinji made a silent vow together to tease Toji all about it once he returned from the principal's office.

She took her seat at her own desk, deciding she would just wait until Toji returned. It was possible it could be nothing, or perhaps Toji's recent improvement in his grades had been noticed and the principal wanted to commend him on it. Hikari smiled to herself as she considered it, remembering the look on Toji's face when he received his test paper back. A seventy! A B grade! Toji had tried to downplay it, initially convinced that it was nothing to write home about, but after some prodding from Hikari, he admitted how happy he was and how he was going to tell Sakura all about it when he visited her in the hospital. Hikari couldn't wait to see Toji again and ask him how telling his little sister had gone.

She just had to wait.

* * *

" _Thus, we, mankind, survived the hell on Earth called the Second Impact and rose again."_

Now worry was really starting to settle in Hikari's system, dread eating away at her insides as she kept glancing over at Toji's empty desk. In her peripheral vision, she could see Shinji staring at it, the same concerned expression she was most certainly wearing mirrored on his face.

Lunch had ended almost half an hour ago. Class had already started.

Toji was nowhere to be seen.

" _The number of children has been decreasing yearly…"_

Hikari's heart drummed against her ribcage, the teacher's monotonous rambling blending into an incomprehensible, incessant buzzing in the background as she continued staring ahead at Toji's desk. She caught her laptop screen switching to black as she had neglected it for however many minutes she had spent in favour of anxiously watching the desk, but did nothing to bring it back to life as she continued to focus. Maybe if she concentrated hard enough, it would bring Toji back.

He had been in the office for too long to just be receiving a pat on the back, and he had been there too long to even be receiving a slap on the wrist. Hikari was running out of reasons as to why Toji would be needed for such a long time, both good and bad. At that point, she was so filled with worry that any excuse would probably alleviate her stress.

The sudden sound of the classroom door sliding open caused Hikari to jump in her desk, anxiety flowing through her blood as she turned with the rest of the class to see Toji striding into the room. Toji brought an aura of calmness with him – although it was only a temporary relief to Hikari's mind that had been so thickly clouded with concern - as he nonchalantly announced, "Sorry I'm late."

"I've already heard. Take your seat."

Toji obeyed, and Hikari watched with baited breath as he took his seat, staring ahead. He looked so vacant and empty. He had returned to the room, but it may as well have been like he was still gone.

* * *

"Come on, let's go home."

"What about Toji?"

Kensuke turned to gesture behind them, clutching his bag strap as he prepared to go home, "He'll be late. He's got class duty."

The two watched as Hikari circled Toji, the same expression on his face that he had been wearing ever since returning to the classroom. Kensuke grinned, assuming he must have received a brutally harsh grilling from the principal and would more than likely receive another one from Hikari, who resembled a shark swimming around its prey. She was well and truly adopting her role as the Class Rep, steeling herself to conceal the soft mush Toji had reduced her to ever since kissing her.

Hikari had to admit she was putting on the perfect award winning performance by pacing back and forth behind Toji, especially when she was resisting the urge to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight. She was even convincing Shinji, who – unbeknownst to Hikari – was fully aware of her feelings for Toji thanks to Asuka's gossiping habit, and he smiled at the two sympathetically before following Kensuke out of the classroom.

Once the last student had left the room and closed the door behind them, both Toji and Hikari simultaneously let out deep, long sighs that sounded like they had been suppressing the breath in their lungs all day.

Instantly softening, Hikari let her concern seep out, unable to help herself as she implored him for answers, "Are you alright? You've been kind of spacey ever since lunch."

Toji smiled weakly up at her. At first, it had caused her heart rate to hasten, the air in her lungs to be snatched out of her her, but the more she studied him, the more she realised he was not only feigning a smile, but he was doing a poor job at masking his troubles.

"I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind."

Hikari frowned, flexing her fingers as she resisted reaching out to hold him.

"You can tell me," Hikari breathed out, too shy to raise her voice in case he heard the vulnerability causing her voice to shake. "You can tell me anything, and I'll listen."

Toji smiled, appreciating Hikari's concern – he really did. Part of him wanted to pour all of his troubles out to her. He believed her entirely, that she would listen because it was him.

And that was the problem.

"Thanks," he sighed, hanging his head as he added, "But… I don't wanna talk about it."

Hikari nodded, admittedly saddened at his rejection of her offer for him to vent, but all the while understanding. She went to speak again, to say something else, to provide him with kind and encouraging words, but she was interrupted by Asuka's words from lunch snaking around her mind,

 _Of course he likes you back._

 _Trust me, he wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't._

 _Of course he likes you back._

 _Of course._

 _Trust me._

The more Asuka's words repeated themselves, the more convinced Hikari was growing.

She furled and unfurled her hands several times, her eyes fixated on the ground as heat rose to her cheeks.

"T-Toji…" she stammered, his name tumbling out from between her lips in a whisper. She was almost certain he hadn't heard her and went to say his name again, only for him to hum and affirm he had heard her.

She gulped, clenching her fists tightly as she spoke to the ground, too embarrassed to speak to him directly, louder this time, "I… I… I…"

Hikari refused to look up at him, instead imagining how his features must have been contorted in confusion, his head tilted to the side as he waited for her to finish. Her heart thumped in her chest, slamming against the bones confining it into its place in her body and making her feel nauseous as adrenaline rushed through her, her blood pulsating within her veins as she declared to him,

"I like you!"

She squeezed her eyes shut, the pressure allowing a tear to fall as she strained, her entire body quivering. Hikari should have felt relieved to release such a heavy weight from her heart, but it still felt like there was a lump in her throat and thick anxiety coursing through her veins.

Toji surprised her by approaching her, raising her head by holding up her chin, forcing her to look right into his eyes. She couldn't hide anymore. Everything she had kept as a hushed secret to herself was now floating in the air, tension enveloping them. Hikari's knees wobbled, her legs giving way and her body crashing to the floor as she struggled to hold her weight up any longer. Toji crouched down to her level, resting his hands on each of her shoulders to support her. A single tear rolled down her cheek like a bead, and Toji used his thumb to wipe it away.

He gently pressed his lips against hers, but pulled away and broke the kiss before Hikari had the time to reciprocate it. The kiss was different from the one they had shared no more than twenty four hours ago, much softer and more delicate. It still swarmed her senses and woke up the butterflies in her stomach, but Hikari saw something flash across his eyes. Something she recognised. Something worlds different to the look he had given her before and then after kissing her.

It was guilt.

Cold air surrounded her as Toji let go of her, standing up and slouching as he slung his bag over his shoulder. He gave her one last smile as he sighed a simple, "I'm sorry."

Without another word between the two of them, Toji forgot all about his designated classroom duties, slipping out of the room and leaving Hikari to stare at the door he left wide open. She was frozen, unable to stand up in fear she would only collapse again, trembling with every breath that left her. Her eyes smarted and her vision started to blur as she focused on the door in the hope that he would return and comfort her, that he would kiss her again, that he would tell her he felt the same and wanted her, only her, just like how she wanted only him…

Instead, a tear hit the classroom floor by her knees, forming a puddle in front of her as more tears followed. She felt dizzy, the world around her swirling as her mind spun around so quickly, so nauseatingly quickly. The only sound Hikari could hear was her blood whooshing around in her ear, her heartbeat stunted as Toji's footsteps down the hall faded into silence.


End file.
